Here’s The Thing – Thank You For A Great Super Bowl, Stonecutters!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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So let’s see, what to talk about today … bowling? Cricket? Amazingly yummy kale recipes? Nah, I guess we’ll discuss that football game, The Super Bowl or whatever. I mean, bowling and cricket are boring and yummy kale recipes simply do not exist, so we might as well discuss the incredibly ridiculous Patriots comeback that may or may not prove Tom Brady is from another planet.

See, Here’s The Thing; What an amazing 4th quarter. As a football fan, there is no way you couldn’t have enjoyed that. (Well, as a football fan outside of Atlanta. For fans in Atlanta, it had to feel like a 45 minute colonoscopy from Edward Scissorhands.) I know, I know, the Patriots are Evil and they should take the field to The Star Wars Imperial March and Bill Belichick is obviously one of The Stonecutters, but for pure football entertainment, the 4th quarter was just about unmatched in Super Bowl history. The game itself was eerily reminiscent of Super Bowl 23; fairly dull for three quarters, then a flurry of activity and scoring in the final frame, culminated by a 90+ yard touchdown drive by one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game. Montana went 92 yards to beat the Bengals, Brady went 91 to send it to Overtime. I didn’t care – TRULY didn’t care and had no dog in the fight – and I was losing my mind watching what simply couldn’t happen, happen. No way does Matt Ryan lose a fumble at THAT moment, when the Patriots absolutely HAD to have a field-flipping turnover. No way do the Falcons continue to put a linebacker on James White. No way does Atlanta get pushed out of FG range after THAT catch by Julio Jones. No way does Julian Edelman catch that ball. NO WAY DOES JULIAN EDELMAN CATCH THAT BALL! (Yes, that one deserved to be repeated) No way do the Falcons continue to not blitz. Finally, after winning the overtime coin toss, NO WAY are the Patriots not scoring a touchdown. At that moment, game was ovah.

Look, I still can’t believe what I watched, and THAT is the mark of spectacular theater. The kind of incredible, breathless, mind blowing, unscripted theater that can only come from sports. Oh, and a yummy kale recipe involves replacing the kale with bacon. You’re welcome.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Super Bowl Locks With Gamblicus

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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It’s finally here, friends and inmates, the final Mortal Lock Friday before the Super Bowl! That magical Sunday when football fans gather with non-football fans to watch a game, have fun and become annoyed with the non-football fans after about 8 minutes of having to answer questions with “No, Johnny Manziel isn’t in this game,” “I don’t know why their uniforms don’t have more red in them,” and “I’m sorry no one is eating your broccoli, but I TOLD you not to bring it!”

See, Here’s The Thing; The biggest game of the year is also the last game until next fall, and that’s sad. However, Gamblicus is here to tell you exactly how to win enough money to do rich people stuff during the football break, and that’s happy and fun and drunk and naked and those are all good things. So let’s get to it! I predict Tom Brady and Matt Ryan throw for 8 touchdowns between them. I predict the over/under goes over by the third quarter. I predict I know four people who will lose money on the coin flip. I predict there will be one commercial that makes everyone cry, and one commercial that women think is gross while men laugh hysterically. I predict Taylor Gabriel will catch a 3 yard pass, and the announcers will mention that he, Alex Mack and Dion Lewis are former Cleveland Browns no less than 57 times. I predict Chris Hogan scores two touchdowns, and NO ONE mentions the teams he used to play for. I predict my chicken wing intake will rival the annual chicken wing intake of several former Eastern Bloc countries. I predict Julio Jones will be removed from existence by a Belichick scheme. I predict at least two Roughing The Passer calls cause FootballTwitter to use the phrase “Why don’t they just put these quarterbacks in a skirt?” I predict at least nine guys are referred to as “One of the most underrated in the league.” I predict the halftime show will suck, because all halftime shows suck. Finally, I predict Patriots 44, Falcons 31.

Look, this is it for football until the fall, so breathe it all in, folks. Here’s hoping you have an amazing Super Bowl party … hey, on Monday let’s talk about The Draft.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Super Bowl Prop Bets

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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It’s Super Bowl week, friends and inmates! The one day a year when people of all races, religions and creeds gather together, clog their arteries, ruin themselves for work the next day, and most importantly root against the Patriots. It’s also the best time of year to gamble away your family’s savings, not only on the game itself but on silly, ridiculous prop bets that no sane person would risk anything on.

See, Here’s The Thing; Super Bowl Prop Bets should be renamed what they really are: the gambling version of Heisenberg Blue, for junkies who are WAY past redeemable. Since people seem to be willing to give their money away on anything, I’m going to make up some of my own prop bets this year and see how much money I can take in. Sure, everyone knows you can bet on silly things like the length of the National Anthem, the coin toss and who will score first in the game, but did you know you can also wager on whether the first play is a run or pass? Or who the MVP will mention first in his postgame interview? or what color Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach? I propose that you can now bet on whether or not the first injury of the game will be a leg, an arm or a testicle. How many cheerleaders will get run over on the sidelines, and will any of them be impregnated by Gronk? FYI, the over/under of how many chicken wings I’ll eat during the game is currently set at 312. How many people will I punch for talking the entire game and only watching the commercials? Will there be nudity during the halftime show? Will that nudity be on screen or just me at my party? The over/under on how many people at my Super Bowl party wearing Cleveland Browns gear is set at 1.5. (If you’re smart, you’ll take the under) Finally, it’s +250,000,000,000 that I will have sex the night of the Super Bowl. THAT, my friends, is what’s known in Vegas as a “Sucker Bet.”

Look, it’s your money, and Gamblicus will be here Friday to tell you exactly how to gamble it, but just remember: Prop bets are coin flips. Allocate your cash accordingly.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Norm Peterson Saves The World

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Well I want to say good morning to you, friends and inmates. So I will. After all, it’s my two minutes of airtime, and I’m a free man as long as my wife isn’t here to tell me what to do, so I’ll do what I want: GOOD MORNING, FRIENDS AND INMATES. It’s a glorious morning in my part of the world, as I’ve been exchanging Cheers quotes with friends all morning on Twitter. Why does that make it a great morning? Well…

See, Here’s The Thing; My Twitter, my rules, my fun. Besides the fact that Cheers is the greatest sitcom of all time and I will fistfight you in the town square at high noon if you disagree don’t come AT me … sorry, got a little worked up there. My point is, for a guy who thrives on chaos and despises order and routine, the unpredictability of Twitter is a Godsend. For SportsTwitter fans, this chaotic existence holds true to the highest magnitude. The fact that complete strangers can jump into your sports conversation with intelligent witty comments is endlessly fascinating to me. The fact that complete strangers usually jump into your sports conversation with misspelled, vulgarity-laden stupid comments is endlessly entertaining to me. For example, yesterday I had no idea when I woke up that I’d end up being on the butt end of a comment including the phrase “Boo! Ass(bleep)! Boo!” Now I ask you, how can that NOT be one of your best days ever? Some people get so frustrated on social media and I don’t understand it – if someone else wants to be an aggressive moron, that’s just more fodder for my Fun Machine! Point out their idiocy! Egg them on! Most of the time, their own words make them look like a far bigger doofus than anything I could say, so I give them all the rope they want to hang themselves, then sit back and enjoy the show. As that wise old sage Norm Peterson once said “Is any of this going to raise the price of beer? No? Then what do I care?”

Look, we don’t have to agree on sports, it’s not worth fighting about. We only have to agree that Cheers is the greatest sitcom of all time. That? Well, that’s worth dying over. I will cut you. Try me.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Countdowns Are Cool

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Did you know it’s 19 days until The Super Bowl? I do, because countdowns are something that I love. I am a red blooded American male and a sports fan, which by law means I love bacon, cheerleaders, steak cooked rare, beer in mass quantities, and knowing exactly how many days until my next opportunity for bacon, cheerleaders, steak cooked rare and beer in mass quantities. Plus, counting backwards is cool.

See, Here’s The Thing; I love looking forward to “the next fun thing.” I’m a happy go lucky guy most of the time (I’m also a happy go naked guy, and perhaps not coincidentally, the two often overlap), so I spend a great deal of energy having fun in the moment. However, I also know that anticipation can be a close cousin of fun, so I have numerous countdowns in the calendar of my phone. For example, it’s only 26 days until Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training, which means it’s only about 32 days until people get bored with Spring Training and start being excited that it’s only 75 days until Opening Day. It’s also 75 days until The Final Four begins, and you have to grumble about losing your office March madness pool to a lady who made her picks based on which team’s animal mascot would win in a fight. 134 days until the NBA Finals are scheduled to begin, which means about 148 days left for me to answer every sports taunt with “Cavs: NBA Champs, baybee!” (Hopefully they renew that for me) Did you know it’s only 41 days until the NFL Combine? It’s true! 41 days until middle aged and old men watch young men run around in their underwear for a week, and somehow no one thinks it’s weird and creepy and borderline NAMBLA-esque! After that, 51 days until NFL Free Agency, and 99 days until The NFL Draft, where middle aged and old men write names of young men on note cards, pass them around, and we sit glued watching it on our TV’s for three entire days. I’ll bet you didn’t know all that. I’ll bet it’s because you have a life.

Look, I could sit here and pass along countdowns all day, but it’s only five more days until I get to go home. That’s my favorite countdown.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – DraftTwitter And Testosterone Fights

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Well joyous greetings to you, friends and inmates. Another glorious day of sunshine coats the Earth, we’re all above the dirt and breathing and most of us don’t have angry squirrels attacking our genitals. In other words, it’s a good day. You’d never know that if you’re an NFL fan and currently reading DraftTwitter, though. You’d think we’re 4 hours into The Purge, and you’re the best friend that everyone just knows isn’t going to make it to the end of the movie.

See, Here’s The Thing; For fans of the NFL Draft, DraftTwitter is a necessity that everyone seems to hate. Kind of like if you were told you must eat Brussels Sprouts to survive. You’d do it, but you’d try to wrap them in something that tastes better than Brussels Sprouts, like bacon, or old coffee grounds, or gasoline or wolf puke… No one is ever happy in DraftTwitter. Ever. Reading DraftTwitter, you’d think the world was ending, there was a giant Space Ark with less than a dozen seats remaining, and who gets those seats was being decided by an all out fistfight to the death over completion percentages, fluid hips, hand size and the phrase “Pfft do you even watch film, bro?” For a bunch of people who seem to realize there is NO way you’re going to get everyone to agree with you on any player in the draft, they get viciously angry when everyone doesn’t agree with them on every player in the draft. Honestly, I’ve had more luck figuring out why my wife is mad than why some in DraftTwitter are mad, and the times I’ve apologized to my wife without having a clue as to why numbers in the thousands. How can this be changed? I don’t think it can. Simply put, a bunch of sports guys simmering in testosterone will always want to fight. Over ANYTHING. The NFL Draft, women, donuts, women, merging on the highway, women, whether Die Hard is a Christmas move, women, more donuts, women, or even chicks; it’s always going to be a chest beating contest, and the question “Who knows more about football” is what the kids would call a trigger issue.

Look, debate in DraftTwitter all you want, I’d rather do something more productive, like argue about politics. Now if you’ll excuse me, it really is a nice day. I’m going to go enjoy it.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

Here’s The Thing – These Jokes Are Golden

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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I greet you today as I always do, friends and inmates. With a smile on my face and a song in my heart. Of course, after the news of yesterday that song is “Yellow River” by I.P. Freely, but that’s mostly because I’m basically still 12 years old. Finding it difficult to write about sports today without inserting all kinds of peepee jokes, but let’s give it a go, shall we? (Hehe … “go”)

See, Here’s The Thing; I’m having trouble saying or doing anything today without it leading to a weewee joke for several reasons. Number one … HAHA! “NUMBER ONE!” OK, last one of those, I promise. Number….FIRST, because as I said I’m an overgrown child at heart, and jokes about peepee and poopoo are right about my level. (Side note: a solid fart noise will NEVER not make me laugh, and if you don’t agree, we likely can’t be friends) Number two (STOPSTOPSTOP!) with the way the world is today, subtlety has been lost on many. You can’t dance around the point, even in a joke. You have to feed the information directly to people, with a steady, strong stream right in their face. Drown them in it, you understand? Comedy these days seems to only have an impact when people have paid good money to have the flood of jokes come directly at them, and most comedy clubs are successful when multiple performers can shower the audience with what they want, not just one guy. Let me tell you something else I’ve learned in over 21 years of comedy: If you can make jokes so straightforward they somehow break the language barrier, you are golden. I mean, let’s say if you can make those who speak (as a random example) Russian fall to their knees, thoroughly enjoy the comedy you’re spraying at them, and pay to come back for more, you have a chance to be one of the most powerful people in the free world. Seriously, gather all of your joke streams and push them together into one headed directly at your target, and urine for a treat.

Look, tomorrow we may mo e on to something different, but for today (even though I’m not Chinese) I play joke, I put peepee in your Coke.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – NoL! It’s GambliChristmas!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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We’ve reached the end of another week, and we’ve also reached the end of waiting for Christmas my naughty and nice friends! OK, I have no nice friends. We’re all on the Naughty List. In fact, we’re most likely the ones labeled “Ringleaders” on that list. That’s OK, as Billy Joel once said I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the Saints. To that end, let’s talk some gambling!

See, Here’s The Thing; It’s a Christmas visit from Gamblicus, everyone! He doesn’t come down your chimney though, he just barges in the front door, demands bourbon, and in return gives you the greatest sports gambling tips this side of a manger. So let’s get to it! I predict Navy puts up 50+ in their game against Louisiana Tech. I predict Troy and Ohio will play one of the Top 3 most exciting Dollar General Bowls of all time, as far as you or anyone else knows or cares to research. I predict you’ll watch the Aloha Bowl, gaze wistful upon the sunshine, and start planning a family trip to Hawaii that will never materialize. I predict the Dolphins lose to Buffalo, muddying the AFC Playoff picture and giving Rex Ryan an excellent excuse to be obnoxious at his press conference. I predict the upset of the week comes in Chicago. I predict that at 0-14, this Browns season has me missing DirecTV’s Super Creepy Rob Lowe commercials. I predict road wins for the Chargers, Titans, Colts, 49ers and Bengals. I predict double digits wins for the Cowboys, Chiefs, Steelers, Seahawks and Saints. I also predict a double digit win for the Patriots, but only because a triple digit win seems slightly unrealistic. Slightly. I predict Cam Newton will literally be hit on the head with a sledgehammer during game play, but after further review, no targeting penalty will be called. I predict it will be cold in Green Bay, but the announcers won’t mention it, because they rarely do. Right? Finally, I predict that unwrapping a locked up #1 overall pick will be the best thing Cleveland experiences this entire season.

Look, I don’t care how many wise men there are, Gamblicus is the wisest of all. So go win yourself some gold and frankincense. Oh, and Happy Holidays to each and every one of you.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Zuzu’s Petals

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Today is the Winter Solstice, officially the shortest day of the year. Which is good for me, because it means technically I’ll waste less daylight messing around and attempting to work the word “fartknocker” into an NFL Playoff analysis. (It’d be easier if the Jets were still alive) At any rate, it means that from here on out, the days get longer and things get brighter.

See, Here’s The Thing; As a sports fan, we always want to believe that the future is brighter, that better things are coming, that free pizza and Jell-o shots are on the way. Of course, for those of us who root for the Browns or the 76ers or the Washington Generals, seeing things getting better is easy, because outside of the team plane being hijacked or an alien bursting from our chest while we reach for the nachos, it can’t get worse. can it? (You know what, if it can, don’t tell me) The essence of sports fandom is believing that the best is yet to come, that our favorite team is improving, that they can make that miracle run through the playoffs and hoist that championship trophy. Sometimes, for teams like the Cleveland Cavaliers and Chicago Cubs, it’s a long, tortuous slog that ends up in an indescribable pile of glory. Other times, for teams like the Cleveland Browns and the Philadelphia 76ers it’s a long, tortuous slog that ends up in an indescribable pile of torture and slogging, not to mention curse words that heretofore did not exist. We HAVE to hold onto our optimism, or we end up in a George Bailey spiral of anger and self-loathing. Whether it’s a player returning from injury, or a super high draft pick on the way, or simply that the team announced that Bacon Wrapped Cronuts are coming to the concession stand starting next game, there is always a reason to stay positive. It doesn’t mean everything is rainbows an unicorns, be realistic, but much like the hours of sunlight will increase after today, we must believe that tomorrow is going to be better.

Look, be a realist all you want, but remember: Zuzu’s petals are alway there, in your pocket, in some form. Slow down and look, I promise they’re there.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – McCaffrey And Supermodels

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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OK, so everyone in SportsLand is up in arms today about Christian McCaffrey not playing in a Bowl Game to start his NFL Draft preparation. At least, I think they’re up in arms. Some of them could be up in legs, or hips, or spleens for all I know. I’m just saying they’re upset. I’m also saying that if you’re one of those who is upset, you should probably hold on tight, you wouldn’t want to fall from that great height on your high horse.

See, Here’s The Thing; I fully support these guys right to not risk their careers in what is ultimately one last money grab of their names and abilities by the NCAA. I’m not one who says “Pay all of these players!” because I believe that a college education s more than a fair trade for their abilities, and I sincerely wish that when i was in college, there had been scholarships available for people really good at eating breakfast for dinner, or quoting lines from “Cheers.” However, I’ve always said that when a team EARNS something extra such as a bowl game, the players should receive some form of percentage of that payment, because that’s above and beyond the agreed upon education-for-ability exchange. Similarly, the players who become stars should receive a portion of any jersey/merchandise sales with their names/number/likeness on them. That’s something not every player on the roster earns – in America, hard work and success = better pay, better opportunities and most importantly a far more attractive wife or husband. Which brings us back to McCaffrey, whose hard work and dedication has led him to the opportunity to earn millions of dollars at the next level, as well as dates with celebrity actresses and supermodels. Would YOU risk a shot with Kate Beckinsale, Eva Mendes or Tyra Banks for The Sun Bowl? You would? Seriously? You’re freaking nuts! I’ve kind of lost my train of thought here by thinking about supermodels, but my point is this: whether you agree with their decision or not, these guys “owe” nothing to anyone but themselves and their families.

Look, I love watching these guys play too, but I’m not about to put my viewing pleasure above their life choices. I allow no one to dictate to me what’s best for my family, and I’d never do the same to them.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Gamblicus Is Santa

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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If everybody’s working for the weekend, well then everybody’s made it, because the weekend is here! (Also, you should negotiate a pay raise) Yes, I do know that’s an ancient song reference. No, I don’t care. Hey, do you want to stand here and quibble over whether I’m “old” or “really old,” or do you want Gamblicus to give you the best gambling tips in this and most of the other galaxies?

See, Here’s The Thing; It’s Mortal Lock Friday, which means our old friend Gamblicus will pop his head out and see if we’re going to get six more weeks of winter. No wait, that’s not Gamblicus. I apologize, that’s Bill Murray. Anyway, why don’t we take a look and see who’s going to win what in the world of sports this weekend? I predict the number of shirtless guys and guys dressed as Santa in the stands in Buffalo will be greater than the number of points scored between the Bills and Browns. I predict the hype about Matt Moore and his “gunslinger” mentality heads to new York and suffers the same fate as most gunslingers in The Old West: shot in the back while sitting in the outhouse. I predict that those who are upset with LeBron James resting for a game in December are those who have taken multiple days off this year for great reasons like “I just can’t even” and “How can I be expected to work when Chloe’s life is in turmoil?” I predict Draymond Green kicks a guy in the nuts. (OK, that one is a gimme) I predict a major free agent baseball signing in Cleveland. I predict the upset of the week comes from the Not For Much Longer San Diego Chargers. I predict the Panthers, Saints, Bengals and Colts keep their flickering playoff hopes alive. I predict a road win for the Patriots, a home loss for the Texans, a growing “What if Matt Barkley is the guy at quarterback” movement in BearsTwitter, and a complete and utter annihilation of two dozen bacon-wrapped chicken wings on my couch. That’s right, Daddy’s home.

Look, if Gamblicus had ever been wrong there might be cause for hesitation, but as sure as it’s the weekend, he’s right. Go forth and gamble, degenerates!

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Picking Out A Thermos For You

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Well hello there neighbor! Won’t you come in and watch while I change my sweater and my shoes? No. No, that would be creepy wouldn’t it? How was that a show for children? I’m musing about things from my childhood, because I noticed that 37 years ago today, The Jerk was released into theaters. It was 1979, Steve Martin was already my idol, and the sports world was a turnin’-round.

See, Here’s The Thing; Today is going to be a look into the WayBack Machine. I know the young ‘uns out there don’t want to listen to a middle aged guy go on and on about things that happened before cellphones and the internet and cellphoneone & internet porn, but when you get your own radio spot, you do what YOU want. 1979 was a seminal year for me, both in terms of what would eventually become a career in comedy, and in my sports fandom. The Cleveland Browns were 1 year away from the magical Kardiac Kids season, and in ’79 were showing signs of what was to come with Brian Sipe, a couple of Pruitts and Dave Logan. The Pittsburgh Steelers were winning Super Bowls, and my Dad was helping me towards a deeper understand of hatred for that team, by teaching me curse words that to this day I’ve never heard anywhere else. The ’79 Pirates were proving that being a Family can bring you a World Series Title, especially if Willie Stargell is the Dad and he defies Father Time. In 1979 the Canadiens were winning the last of four consecutive Stanley Cups, and we were about to see the era of the Islanders approach. In 1979 Alabama was winning the National Championship … OK, so not everything is different. In ’79 we saw the deaths of Thurman Munson, Darla and Mr Ed, plus the births of Ladanian Tomlinson, Ron Artest and Pink. Most importantly, I saw the birth of my understand that to be funny, no linear system has to be followed. Non-sequiturs and outright silliness can be hilarious if done properly, and I learned that by seeing The Jerk.

Look, I don’t need you to understand. All I need is this paddle game and this remote control and this chair, and that’s all I need. Unless you want to trade it for a thermos.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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