Here’s The Thing – Countdowns Are Cool

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Did you know it’s 19 days until The Super Bowl? I do, because countdowns are something that I love. I am a red blooded American male and a sports fan, which by law means I love bacon, cheerleaders, steak cooked rare, beer in mass quantities, and knowing exactly how many days until my next opportunity for bacon, cheerleaders, steak cooked rare and beer in mass quantities. Plus, counting backwards is cool.

See, Here’s The Thing; I love looking forward to “the next fun thing.” I’m a happy go lucky guy most of the time (I’m also a happy go naked guy, and perhaps not coincidentally, the two often overlap), so I spend a great deal of energy having fun in the moment. However, I also know that anticipation can be a close cousin of fun, so I have numerous countdowns in the calendar of my phone. For example, it’s only 26 days until Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training, which means it’s only about 32 days until people get bored with Spring Training and start being excited that it’s only 75 days until Opening Day. It’s also 75 days until The Final Four begins, and you have to grumble about losing your office March madness pool to a lady who made her picks based on which team’s animal mascot would win in a fight. 134 days until the NBA Finals are scheduled to begin, which means about 148 days left for me to answer every sports taunt with “Cavs: NBA Champs, baybee!” (Hopefully they renew that for me) Did you know it’s only 41 days until the NFL Combine? It’s true! 41 days until middle aged and old men watch young men run around in their underwear for a week, and somehow no one thinks it’s weird and creepy and borderline NAMBLA-esque! After that, 51 days until NFL Free Agency, and 99 days until The NFL Draft, where middle aged and old men write names of young men on note cards, pass them around, and we sit glued watching it on our TV’s for three entire days. I’ll bet you didn’t know all that. I’ll bet it’s because you have a life.

Look, I could sit here and pass along countdowns all day, but it’s only five more days until I get to go home. That’s my favorite countdown.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – DraftTwitter And Testosterone Fights

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Well joyous greetings to you, friends and inmates. Another glorious day of sunshine coats the Earth, we’re all above the dirt and breathing and most of us don’t have angry squirrels attacking our genitals. In other words, it’s a good day. You’d never know that if you’re an NFL fan and currently reading DraftTwitter, though. You’d think we’re 4 hours into The Purge, and you’re the best friend that everyone just knows isn’t going to make it to the end of the movie.

See, Here’s The Thing; For fans of the NFL Draft, DraftTwitter is a necessity that everyone seems to hate. Kind of like if you were told you must eat Brussels Sprouts to survive. You’d do it, but you’d try to wrap them in something that tastes better than Brussels Sprouts, like bacon, or old coffee grounds, or gasoline or wolf puke… No one is ever happy in DraftTwitter. Ever. Reading DraftTwitter, you’d think the world was ending, there was a giant Space Ark with less than a dozen seats remaining, and who gets those seats was being decided by an all out fistfight to the death over completion percentages, fluid hips, hand size and the phrase “Pfft do you even watch film, bro?” For a bunch of people who seem to realize there is NO way you’re going to get everyone to agree with you on any player in the draft, they get viciously angry when everyone doesn’t agree with them on every player in the draft. Honestly, I’ve had more luck figuring out why my wife is mad than why some in DraftTwitter are mad, and the times I’ve apologized to my wife without having a clue as to why numbers in the thousands. How can this be changed? I don’t think it can. Simply put, a bunch of sports guys simmering in testosterone will always want to fight. Over ANYTHING. The NFL Draft, women, donuts, women, merging on the highway, women, whether Die Hard is a Christmas move, women, more donuts, women, or even chicks; it’s always going to be a chest beating contest, and the question “Who knows more about football” is what the kids would call a trigger issue.

Look, debate in DraftTwitter all you want, I’d rather do something more productive, like argue about politics. Now if you’ll excuse me, it really is a nice day. I’m going to go enjoy it.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

Here’s The Thing – McCaffrey And Supermodels

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

OK, so everyone in SportsLand is up in arms today about Christian McCaffrey not playing in a Bowl Game to start his NFL Draft preparation. At least, I think they’re up in arms. Some of them could be up in legs, or hips, or spleens for all I know. I’m just saying they’re upset. I’m also saying that if you’re one of those who is upset, you should probably hold on tight, you wouldn’t want to fall from that great height on your high horse.

See, Here’s The Thing; I fully support these guys right to not risk their careers in what is ultimately one last money grab of their names and abilities by the NCAA. I’m not one who says “Pay all of these players!” because I believe that a college education s more than a fair trade for their abilities, and I sincerely wish that when i was in college, there had been scholarships available for people really good at eating breakfast for dinner, or quoting lines from “Cheers.” However, I’ve always said that when a team EARNS something extra such as a bowl game, the players should receive some form of percentage of that payment, because that’s above and beyond the agreed upon education-for-ability exchange. Similarly, the players who become stars should receive a portion of any jersey/merchandise sales with their names/number/likeness on them. That’s something not every player on the roster earns – in America, hard work and success = better pay, better opportunities and most importantly a far more attractive wife or husband. Which brings us back to McCaffrey, whose hard work and dedication has led him to the opportunity to earn millions of dollars at the next level, as well as dates with celebrity actresses and supermodels. Would YOU risk a shot with Kate Beckinsale, Eva Mendes or Tyra Banks for The Sun Bowl? You would? Seriously? You’re freaking nuts! I’ve kind of lost my train of thought here by thinking about supermodels, but my point is this: whether you agree with their decision or not, these guys “owe” nothing to anyone but themselves and their families.

Look, I love watching these guys play too, but I’m not about to put my viewing pleasure above their life choices. I allow no one to dictate to me what’s best for my family, and I’d never do the same to them.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – 12 Days Of The NFL Playoff Chase

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

We’re back, friends and you! As we barrel headfirst down the home stretch of both Christmas and the NFL Playoff race, I’d like to take today and do a Here’s The Thing version of the Twelve Days Of Christmas. I’d like to, but I don’t have nearly enough time for that song, and it’s really difficult to sing that “ladies dancing” part without making cheap stripper jokes and snickering like a 12 year old. So let’s just talk about the playoff chase, shall we?

See, Here’s The Thing; While the eight Maids-A-Milking and I were studying the NFL standings page for Browns draft scenarios, I noticed something odd: there are lots of teams still alive for playoff spots. Now, for Cleveland fans this is a weird and confusing concept, but apparently it happens to other tams every year. While I personally am not 100% sold that this isn’t some completely made up conspiracy like the Loch Ness Monster or Scientology, let’s examine some of the different potential playoff teams. The Cowboys, Patriots, Chiefs, and Raiders are in. The Lions need Mr Miagi to come fix Matt Stafford’s finger, while the Packers want to go full Cobra Kai and sweep Stafford’s leg. The AFC North teams need one of them to be slightly less bad than the others. The Dolphins need Matt Moore to channel his inner Earl Morrall (Google it, Millenials). The Colts need all of their bad draft picks to not play like bad draft picks, and for Andrew Luck to play like good Andrew Luck. The Texans need and would be thrilled if Brock Osweiler just played like Bad Andrew Luck. The Bills and Vikings need wins and a lot of help, including as many Lords-A-Leaping as possible. (I don’t know what that means, either) The Saints, Bengals, Cardinals and Panthers need wins and a lot of other team’s plane crashes. The Browns? Well, the Browns need Wyoming QB Josh Allen to declare for the draft. Never heard of him? Not surprising, you’re probably following this mythical “playoff chase” thingee instead of the reality of draft preparation. Freaks.

Look, the mad dash of the final three weeks is going to be a blast. The playoff chase is always breathless, because unlike in the song, there’s only one golden ring to be had.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – December NFL Fans: Draft Nuts Group >>> Playoffs Group

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Good morning, fellow wanderers. As the NFL season rounds the quarter pole and heads into the home stretch, the screaming and emotion that you associate with racing fans as the horses thunder towards the finish line is exactly what you can find in football fans, in real life and especially across the internet. However, the excitement is divided among two very distinct groups of December fans: The Playoffs Group, and the folks we’ll discuss today: The Draft Nuts group.

 
See, Here’s The Thing; You watch the NFL in a completely different manner once your team is out of it, and there’s no fooling anyone about being in the playoff hunt anymore. Now, while most of us knew our team was out of it everywhere but on paper all the way back to October 3rd, there are some that are just now coming around, and to them I say “Welcome to the gritty side of the tracks.” This is the side of NFL December that Patriot fans know nothing about. The side where we look each week to see who needs to lose. The side where we know more about the Strength Of Schedule tiebreaker than we do about what our kids want for Christmas or any of their friends’ names, especially that weird one with the purple streaks in her hair. The side where we can’t actually bring ourselves to root for our team to lose, but we’re not exactly crushed when it happens, either. The side where short term pain is endured for the potential of long term gain in the form of draft prospects who are all obviously the next Tom Brady … if we get them. (If they go to another team, they’re overrated busts) We in the Draft Nuts group feel sorry for you Playoff group fans, because all you have to root for is wins. We get to root for so many variables, and watch so many games with a purpose, that it makes your head swim to the point where excess drinking is not only acceptable but encouraged. Who’s the winner NOW?

Look, you can have your playoffs. I just know that the Rams-Falcons game effects the Browns in more ways than you can imagine, and that’s not crazy at all. Hey Draft Nuts Group – who has more fun than us, huh?

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Larry King’s Things

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Good day to you, friends and neighbors, and here’s hoping this 24 hour rotation of the planet bring you joy, laughter and artificially generated endorphins. As I write this, I’ve been away from home for two weeks, with one more to go. I realize that’s not a terribly long time, but being separated from my family always makes a little crazy. OK, craziER. Shut up, you.
See, Here’s The Thing; I’ve always been accused of being a bit weird and off-kilter, and I take it as a compliment. My Life Coaching philosophy has always been “Normal People Suck,” so I wear being called crazy like a Boy Scout Merit Badge. To that end, let’s go Larry King style today and just run off a pile of random, unconnected “crazy” thoughts on sports … and maybe a few other topics. The AP Poll in college football is a quaint relic of a bygone era that’s no longer useful or necessary, like a home phone, local TV news or Charo. Tom Brady and Drew Brees might collect an NFL paycheck and a Social Security check at the same time. BALTIMORE MARYLAND! YOU’RE ON THE AIR! The Warriors trading Klay Thompson is about as likely as me winning the Sexiest Man Alive contest … or coming in third … or receiving a single vote. Episodes and Review: With Forrest MacNeil are the two funniest shows on TV that you’re probably not watching. FLAGSTAFF ARIZONA! YOU’RE ON THE AIR! Overcooked yellow squash has the same gooey consistency as undercooked bread pudding, both of which I hate like Hitler. The Browns have the worst record in the NFL, but are not the worst team. This may be the first MLB offseason where owners actually stick to their claim they won’t spend like newly divorced guys in Vegas. People protesting to overturn the results of a democratic election are incredibly stupid. People painting swastikas on things and telling immigrants & minorities to “get out” are even stupider. My current Top 4 is Alabama, Ohio State, Louisville and Clemson, and at least two are in serious danger of missing the playoff. How’s THAT for crazy?

Look, you may not agree with what I’ve said today, and that’s OK. It just means you’re normal. Now, refer back to what I said about normal people, then ponder if you want to change your mind. VALENCIA CALIFORNIA! YOU’RE ON THE AIR!

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – Football May Have Saved Us

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Hi De Hi De Hide De Ho, friends and moochers! As the flaming ball of gas in the sky rises above our planet and offers us another beautiful day of existence, I’d like to thank you for tuning in to listen to me, another flaming ball of gas. Today is an even more glorious day than usual, because football – the crazy, unpredictable, exciting football we all know and love – is BACK.

See, Here’s The Thing; Until this past weekend, this football season has been – let’s be honest here – mostly boring. Yes, there were a few good games here and there, some upsets in college football and heck even the Browns almost won a game back in week 3 against Miami. Taken as a whole though, this season has been a bigger yawner than season 2 of True Detective or any meal involving kale. This weekend though, it’s as if football looked at politics and said “Oh, you think YOU own crazy? Well, watch THIS!” Then football removed its pants and ran around honking an ah-ooga horn at three dozen random Arby’s. Five – FIVE – of the Top ten teams lost in college football, four of them to unranked teams, two of them on last second field goals. Teams ranked all the way down the 20’s that previously thought the playoff was gone now have varying levels of renewed hope. The situation in the Big Ten, specifically with #2-ranked-but-probably-won’t-win-their-own-DIVISON Ohio State, is about as screwy as it gets. The NFL offered it’s own brand of insanity, a game decided by a Pick-6, a Jay Cutler Hail Mary, the Chiefs coming from 17 down to win, the Rams winning without a touchdown, the 49ers almost winning, two games featuring seven lead changes on the same day for the first time in history, and another decided by a blocked extra point returned for a score. It’s as if the football Gods saw everyone angry and screaming at each other over the election like toddlers, and dangled their shiny keys in our face to distract us.

Look, football isn’t the most important thing in life, but the happiness and fun with friends it can give us, even in stressful times, is crucial to our survival. Let’s hope next weekend is even crazier. I don’t know how … maybe a monkey will run out onto the field or something.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – After The Election…

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Well hello there everyone, nice to talk to you today! Wait … it is today, isn’t it? The sun came up? OK good, I was worried because everyone told me the world would end today. It’s so great that we live in a country where the sun rises nearly every day, bacon is plentiful, and most importantly we can spend hours upon hours of our short existence on this planet calling anyone who roots for a different sports team than us creatively vulgar names!

See, Here’s The Thing; No matter how you feel or what you think about the Presidential Election – and I TRULY DO NOT CARE, YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR OPINION WHATEVER IT IS, YOU DO YOU, SUNSHINE – the fact that we live in a country where 240 years of peaceful transition of power allows us the freedom to shout at each other about sports is pretty amazing, and I am forever grateful for it. After the election, we we still have the freedom to debate whether Dak or Romo should start at QB for the Cowboys. After the election, we still have the freedom to decide who’s going to win the NBA Championship and sneer down our noses at anyone who disagrees, even though it’s November and all of our opinions are ludicrous. After the election, we still have the freedom to argue about the Top 4 of the College Football Playoff (It’s Alabama, Michigan, Clemson & Washington, and if you disagree you’re stupid). After the election, we still have the freedom to do NFL Mock Drafts and act like we have any Earthly clue what the hell we’re talking about while we do them. After the election, we’re all still Americans with the freedom to get up and go to work, or stay home on the couch, wiping Cheeto dust on the pajama pants we’ve been wearing since yesterday, and dive into the comments section on an internet column where Skip Bayless claims LeBron James is not only not a great player, he should simply be taken out and shot. After the election: We’re all still here.

Look, I’m sorry if your side lost, and I’m happy if your side won. More important than anything though, can we all agree that the only people who should leave the country are the ones saying the Indians should trade Andrew Miller? I love this country.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – Gamblicus = Bacon

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Hell there, friends and inmates! We’re back after a long sports weekend, and we’re going to take a look at what we learned the past few days. Obviously we learned that Gamblicus is never to be doubted, what with the Bears upset pick and the 3-2 Cleveland lead predictions coming through, I should be hailed and carried around on your shoulders and fed grapes by comely lasses. Other than that though, let’s look at what happened, and what it might mean for the coming weeks.

See, Here’s The Thing; Looking back and learning from the past is a worthwhile daily endeavor in any part of your life. It’s even more worthwhile today in sports, and not only because it proves that I, Gamblicus am not only better than mere mortals, I’m the bacon of sports handicapping, if you think about it. No, learning today will also tell us what might happen as the sports world spins forward. For example, the Bears victory eliminates all but two teams from contention for the #1 overall pick in 2017 NFL Draft; if you think the Browns are getting to two victories, you’re nuttier than a Snickers. Another lesson learned: the only team that can realistically beat Alabama is Alabama, and the other three currently undefeated teams at the top of the polls are hoping against hope that Nick Saban is eaten by Tribbles or becomes patient zero in the Zombie Apocalypse or something. Another lesson learned, that should have become apparent to everyone by now: Don’t make Tom Brady angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Lesson: Not all 31 year olds are created equal, and by that I mean LeBron’s 31 is not your 31. LeBron’s 31 runs and dunks and sees through walls. Your 31 runs only when being chased or if you really have to pee, remembers when you could almost dunk, and starts numerous sentences with “Man, I just can’t drink like that anymore.” Final lesson: Gamblicus said “Indians in 6.” I’m just going to leave that one there, and you do with it what you will.

Look, the past explains the present, which tells us about the future. It really is that simple, you just have to know where to look. Pay attention this week, I bet we’ll learn more.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – NFL Quarterback Prospects

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Greetings, friends and inmates! It’s another great day in the neighborhood, especially if you’re an unashamed NFL draft addict like me. We’ve reached the point in both the college and NFL seasons when even the most casual fan starts to let one eye wander towards draft boards and player rankings, and begins to argue violently with other fans about a quarterback prospect they first heard of roughly 17 minutes ago. It’s a glorious time of year!

See, Here’s The Thing; If the NFL Draft is an industry in and of itself (and it is) then arguing about quarterback prospects is the product that drives that industry’s profit margin. Every Draft Season, there are more hot takes at football tailgates than there are idiots throwing up on their dates. (and if you’ve ever tailgated in Columbus, you know that’s a large number) This year, most of the arguing will center around the underclassmen. If DeShone Kizer declares, NFL scouts have already installed him as the clear #1 prospect, so be prepared to hear from Twitter scouts about how Notre Dame quarterbacks have failed recently, and how his footwork isn’t ideal, and how he looks like this guy who works at the bank and that guy’s a jerk so anyone who drafts Kizer is automatically a jerk, too. As for Deshaun Watson, we’ll hear about systems from folks who couldn’t discern 21 personnel from 91 personnel. (See, if you didn’t know there is no 91 personnel, please stop reading now and go listen to Skip Bayless shout) Brad Kaaya will have his arm strength questioned repeatedly by guys who couldn’t lift a nine pound bag of dog food if their four year old was trapped under it. Luke Falk will be called an “Air Raid” product, Mitch Trubisky will have an avalanche of hype followed by a bigger avalanche of hate, and Chad Kelly will be called a maniac and compared to everyone from Brett Favre to Machine Gun Kelly (Not Jim Kelly, the actual criminal from the 30s). Basically, it’ll be business as usual, and business is good!

Look, I don’t pretend to be an expert on quarterback prospects, but as of today I think DeShone Kizer is the undisputed top prospect in this class, and if you disagree, come call me stupid on Twitter. hey, everyone else does.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – Ain’t Life Grand For A Football Fan?

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

OK, so another football weekend is finally completely over. After the Thursday night NFL game, and the Friday night college football showcase and Saturday’s slate and Sunday’s NFL action and Sunday Night Football and Monday Night Football, we have a little time to catch out breath before … well before college football kicks it off again this week on WEDNESDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! Ain’t life grand?

See, Here’s The Thing; It wasn’t always this way for football fans. Now, all of you under 30 sit back while I put on my “Old Guys Rule” t-shirt, my “Get Off My Lawn” hat and my “Home Of The Whopper” boxer shorts, and tell you how it was when I was your age. Back in the 1980’s when I was growing up, we had Saturday, Sunday and one game Monday Night, and that was it. Granted, it made it a lot easier to build the Union Pacific Railroad, fight Redcoats, settle The New World and survive dinosaur attacks, or whatever you Millennials think happened before you were born. However, there wasn’t nearly as many football days or nights. We had the three major networks that would show college games from Noon until 7PM on Saturday, with the folks on the West Coast getting an extra Pac-10 or Wacky WAC game after that. Then Sunday we’d have the AFC on NBC, the NFC on CBS, and Monday Night Football on ABC. That was it, that was all the football we had, AND WE LIKED IT THAT WAY. OK, we liked it that way until cable TV and satellite TV and the Big Ten Network and the Pac 12 Network and the SEC Network and Thursday Night Football and the Friday Night Showcase and Tuesday Night MACtion and NFL Sunday Ticket and … OK, so maybe we didn’t like it that way, we just didn’t know any better. My point is, for a football fan this era is like the Oklahoma Land Rush … except, you know, with football on TV. So unless thirty years from now we can use virtual reality to actually attend every game we want, I don’t see how this is going to get any better.

Look, here’s my point: the football weekend just ended, and we’re only about 36 hours from it starting again. So before I go take my old guy nap, I’ll ask again: Ain’t life grand?

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

Here’s The Thing – Gamblicus >>> Your Family (Mortal Lock Friday)

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

It’s the end of the work week, unless you have a job like mine where it’s simply “the end of the week.” Semantics aside, it’s time once again to plunk our expanding American buttocks onto the couch, and point our eyeballs at a gluttonous amount of televised sporting events. It’s also time for Gamblicus to reappear and help you wager money that would otherwise be spent on foolishness such as food, or your family. It’s Mortal Lock Friday!

See, Here’s The Thing; It’s time for my Gamblicus ancestry to give you winners for the weekend. The Gambling Knowledge content in my bloodstream is thrice that of a normal human, and eight times that of someone who regularly uses the word “thrice.” So listen up, because here we go. I predict that Washington announces a changing of the guard at the top of the Pac 12 North, with a double digit victory over the smart hippies from Palo Alto. I predict Clemson does whatever the opposite of Clemsoning is, recovering from a sloppy start to the season for a double digits victory over Louisville. I predict more double digit victories from Oklahoma State, Florida State and Michigan. I predict I eat double digit chicken wings before halftime of the Notre Dame game, and if they lose again I’ll show a single digit from each hand to Brian Kelly in the Double Guns format. (I’ll give him the finger on both hands, if you’re not following along) I predict the Jags and Saints get their first victories on Sunday, while the four undefeated teams in action this weekend all escape unscathed. I predict there will be more Rex Ryan post-game press conference curse words than Bills points. I predict the 49ers pull the upset of the weekend in the NFL. Finally, I predict the Browns and Bears continue their hand-to-hand combat for the #1 overall pick, and DeShone Kizer continues to lay awake at night, thinking about playing in Chicago or Cleveland and wishing for a return to the carefree nights where all he had were nightmares about being chased by murderous clowns with chainsaws.

Look, I can lead a horse to water, but I can’t make it gamble, so you do with this gambling gold what you will. Just know, it’s not my fault if you don’t listen and have to spend your money your family. Like a sucker.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt