By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger
I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.
Hell there, friends and inmates! We’re back after a long sports weekend, and we’re going to take a look at what we learned the past few days. Obviously we learned that Gamblicus is never to be doubted, what with the Bears upset pick and the 3-2 Cleveland lead predictions coming through, I should be hailed and carried around on your shoulders and fed grapes by comely lasses. Other than that though, let’s look at what happened, and what it might mean for the coming weeks.
See, Here’s The Thing; Looking back and learning from the past is a worthwhile daily endeavor in any part of your life. It’s even more worthwhile today in sports, and not only because it proves that I, Gamblicus am not only better than mere mortals, I’m the bacon of sports handicapping, if you think about it. No, learning today will also tell us what might happen as the sports world spins forward. For example, the Bears victory eliminates all but two teams from contention for the #1 overall pick in 2017 NFL Draft; if you think the Browns are getting to two victories, you’re nuttier than a Snickers. Another lesson learned: the only team that can realistically beat Alabama is Alabama, and the other three currently undefeated teams at the top of the polls are hoping against hope that Nick Saban is eaten by Tribbles or becomes patient zero in the Zombie Apocalypse or something. Another lesson learned, that should have become apparent to everyone by now: Don’t make Tom Brady angry. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry. Lesson: Not all 31 year olds are created equal, and by that I mean LeBron’s 31 is not your 31. LeBron’s 31 runs and dunks and sees through walls. Your 31 runs only when being chased or if you really have to pee, remembers when you could almost dunk, and starts numerous sentences with “Man, I just can’t drink like that anymore.” Final lesson: Gamblicus said “Indians in 6.” I’m just going to leave that one there, and you do with it what you will.
Look, the past explains the present, which tells us about the future. It really is that simple, you just have to know where to look. Pay attention this week, I bet we’ll learn more.