By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger
I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.
With the weather beginning to turn colder and the skies becoming darker across the country, you may be unsure of what to do on the weekends. Before you do something crazy and dangerous that includes some sort of physical activity, I want you to take a deep breath, sit back, and let Gamblicus put your mind at ease with sports wagering tips that include nearly endless hours of couch time. That’s right, it’s Mortal Lock Friday.
See, Here’s The Thing; We all know Mortal Lock Friday is the greatest sports handicapping show in the history of ever and time, having never missed on a pick – EVER! – except for the ones we’ve gotten wrong. (That’s documented – look it up) Now, let’s get to the picks so you can win enough money to send your boss an email that includes a shot of your junk! I predict that despite the media proclaiming The World Series over after Game 2, they’ll go ahead and play more games – and after this weekend it will be 3-2 Cleveland. I predict Clemson, Nebraska, Florida and Boise State all go down, West Virginia keeps winning, and the College Football Playoff picture becomes murkier than the connections between Trump and the Clintons. I predict Michigan State could block 9 punts this year and still not beat Michigan. I predict that ten years from now, when the Northwestern graduates are bosses to the Ohio State graduates, they’ll remember the horrific beating the Buckeyes give them this weekend, and regularly carry out revengeful plans around the office. I predict the NFL games of the week will be Colts-Chiefs and Chargers-Broncos, with Andrew Luck and Philip Rivers continuing their recent hot streaks through one more victory. I predict a pregame fight is the only thing the Bills might win this weekend. I predict the upset of the week comes on Monday night – yes, I’m picking the Bears. Finally, I predict that with three weeks on the road looming, my couch time and chicken wing intake will approach First Ballot Hall Of Fame levels.
Look, Gamblicus has spoken, and if my gambling genius bloodline was good enough for the Caesars to heed, it’s good enough for you. Go forth and gamble, my loyal subjects! Unrelated: Can I borrow $50?