Here’s The Thing – He Who Gambleth On Mortal Lock Friday

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

I’m taking next week off to be with family, friends and most importantly to renew my relationship with holiday drinks that include spiced rum and cloves and spiced rum and cinnamon and spiced rum. (Hey, I said I’d be with family) So today’s Mortal Lock Friday will be the last time we talk for awhile. I’d suggest you bet heavily.

See, Here’s The Thing; The NFL is in its playoff push, the NBA and NHL are cranking up, and College Football Bowl season is underway, which is always exciting until you realize there are 54 Bowls to go before there’s one featuring any team you recognize. That being said, gambling is always a safe and family-friendly way to make any game on TV more exciting, right? OK degenerates, it’s prediction time. I predict the Bucks perform an early Christmas miracle and defeat the Warriors for the second time this season, except that I don’t predict that at all and Milwaukee will be murdered like an extra on Fargo. I predict that after LeBron James destroyed his wife courtside last night, Jason Day will sleep on the couch for a week and his wonderful bride will “put nothing under his tree,” if you get my drift. I predict Gilbert Arenas will continue to be a horrendous person worthy of derision and particularly painful infections. I predict the NFL upset of the week comes in New Jersey, as the Giants give the 1972 Dolphins reason to pop their champagne corks. I predict victories for the Cowboys, Seahawks, Bears, Falcons, Colts, Patriots, Redskins, Chiefs, Raiders, Broncos, Chargers, Bengals, Cardinals and Lions. Finally, I predict that with the Browns playing late this Sunday, my chicken wing intake will reach levels not normally seen outside of an NFL linemen eating contest fundraiser.

Look, whatever you celebrate, I hope you had or have a wonderful experience, wherever you are, and there’s no better way to accomplish that than by gambling on sports. For as The Bible says, “He who hitteth the over to completeth a five-legged parlay card shall inherit the Earth or at least be able to payeth his Visa Bill.” Remember, that’s the real reason for the season.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at middleagedmarriedguy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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