By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger
I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.
Discussions, that turn into disagreements, that turn into arguments, that turn into uncontrollable shouting matches, that turn into pushing and shoving, that turn into lifelong friends and relatives throwing hands, shouting curse words and bloodying each other without remorse like a steel cage match. Am I describing holiday visits with your family? Nope, the College Football Playoff Rankings!
See, Here’s The Thing; For a college football fan, it really is the most wonderful time of the year. Yes, partly because all of the fan gear websites are having tremendous holiday sales, where you can get a jersey/ballcap/outdoor grill/bedding/pajama pants/t-shirt/shorts/shotglass combo featuring Calvin clad in your team’s colors and peeing on the logo of your rival. Yeah, what could be better than THAT? Well, I’ll tell you – arguing about the rankings could be better than that. It started three weeks ago at a low rumble and has grown into a full throated roar already. If there are upsets among the conference titles game this weekend, it could grow into a full scale land war in Europe (even though Europe doesn’t have single team ranked, by the way). Alabama is in, win or lose … and that’s all we know. Sorry, Buckeye pals, if Clemson, Washington & Penn State win, there’s no guarantee Ohio State is in. Maybe, maybe not. Folks in Columbus are rooting for Wisconsin. Folks in Madison are rooting for Colorado and Virginia Tech. Folks in Boulder are rooting for Virginia Tech and Penn State … I think. Folks in Ann Arbor, Norman and Stillwater are rooting for … God alone knows, maybe frogs and locusts? Most sane people are rooting for an 8 team playoff that doesn’t involve voting, and everyone else is rooting for Donald Trump to legalize kidney punching someone wearing a team jersey you don’t like. (I’m not sure where I stand on that, I’d have to see the fine print) Who are my current Top 4 teams? IT DOESN’T MATTER! But if you’re going to force me to choose before the conference championship games, I’ll say Alabama, Ohio State, Clemson and Washington.
Look, the whole point is that college football fans love arguing with each other, so this is a special time of year. Now go grab a leftover turkey sandwich and call our Uncle – the Oklahoma fan – a vulgar name that would make a sailor cringe. Hooray for holiday season!