By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger
I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.
It’s the weekend, when we gather with our degenerate friends to do degenerate things in degenerate places. Of course, for parents, “degenerate place” is a code word for “Places filled with talking animals, bright primary colors and that are targeted towards humans under three feet tall.” There will be sports on TV though, so why not gamble on the games with my Mortal Lock Friday picks?
See, Here’s The Thing; Silly as it is, holding on to a shred of youthful coolness is important to some people even after they become parents, and I’m here to help. Since these folks apparently still have the priorities of a high schooler, I’ll use teenage peer pressure in my assistance: “Hey, come gamble with us! What are you, afraid? Chickenface! Come on, all the COOL kids are gambling, drinking and smoking behind the school bus barn! You want to be COOOOOOOL, don’t you?” There, that oughta do it – let’s predict! I predict The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail party becomes The World’s Largest Mass Beating, and questions arise about Mark Richt’s job…again. I predict the folks most adamant about the days of “Clemsoning” being over are secretly terrified that Clemson will Clemson the hell out their trip to NC State. )They won’t) I predict that after I turned off the Arizona State-Oregon game in the 3rd quarter last night and missed all the insanity, I will fight my way through every game from now on to the bitter freaking end. (I should KNOW better!) I predict the NFL upset of the week comes from Tampa Bay in Atlanta, even thought that means picking a bad team on the road. (I should KNOW better!) I predict the Bengals fall from the ranks of the unbeaten IF Big ben plays. I predict making that previous pick made me physically ill. Finally, I predict a home win for the Cowboys, a road win for the Packers, and an afternoon of intense intestinal distress for me after ingesting whatever over-curried NFL Sunday snack buffet they serve on this ship.
Look, all of the cool kids are gambling, so this weekend while you watch and listen to fifty boogernosed rugrats running around under a parachute and squealing at 100 decibels, why not keep an eye on football scores on your phone and hold on to just a small bit of your degenerate-ness? Yeah, be COOL with us.