By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger
I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.
It’s Mortal Lock Friday everybody, which means one thing – you’d better have your bacon wrapped chicken wing game in high gear, because we’ve got the pedal to the metal and we’re …. OK, that’s kind of stupid, to use a saying from so long ago. Not unusual for me, mind you, but stupid nonetheless. Let’s just say it’s Mortal Lock Friday, so you should all sit back and take copious notes on the infallible sports predictions I am about to pass your way, and that’s the facts, Jack.
See, Here’s The Thing; Everyone knows that each Friday, I hand out the greatest sports handicapping picks of all time, and every sportsbook in Vegas quivers at the mention of my name. Now, some of you have yet to take my advice, and that’s why you’re still not a Rockefeller. (For the young people out there, Google the name) For the rest of you smart enough to wager your children’s inheritance (and in some instances, your children) on my prognostications, let’s get to it. I predict the Houston offense does an impression of a Blitzkrieg and the Central Florida defense does an impression of the French Maginot Line, and both impressions will be spot-on. I predict Clemson takes care of business, while Oklahoma suffers another upset loss, and maybe just maybe “Clemsoning” will be renamed “Oklahomaing.” I predict Georgia Tech takes out the ‘Noles, and we lose one more team from the Playoff discussion. I predict the upset of the day on Sunday comes in Kansas City, although I cannot back that up with any stats or reason or anything that makes sense. I predict the world record for chicken wings eaten while cursing at the Cleveland Browns will be broken this weekend on my couch. I predict an easy win for New England, as The Bradynator continues it’s quest to figuratively give everyone on Earth The Finger. Finally, I predict the Eagles knock the Panthers from the ranks of the unbeaten, but Philly fans will still boo the team when they land at the airport.
Look, you can burn financial rubber by betting on my picks, or you can be a total square and not. You dig? You pickin’ up what I’m layin’ down? Either way, I’m going to use some old sayings just to annoy the Millenials, and you can take that to the bank.