Here’s The Thing – Mortal Lock … Wednesday? #MarchMadness

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.


Good day to you, sirs and madams. I said GOOD DAY! We’re going to venture outside the norm today, which is always good because the norm sucks. Well, not Norm Peterson. Norm Peterson rules. NORM! I meant the normal flow of this broadcast. Since tomorrow is the start of March Madness, I’m going to move Mortal Lock Friday to today. I know! IT’S INSANE!

See, Here’s The Thing; The best part of having my own radio broadcast is that I can do whatever I want. If I want to do Mortal Lock Friday on a Wednesday, I just freaking do it and no one can stop me – not you, not Obama, not even my wife. (Please don’t tell her I said that. She frightens me.) Anyway, since everyone’s brackets will be busted by Friday anyway, I thought “Hey, let’s do predictions today!” Then I thought “Wow, I forgot to put on pants again,” but that’s not really relevant here. Let’s do it! I predict that If Chattanooga upsets Indiana, it will make my pal Nick Bonsanto nearly as insufferable as I’ll be if Dayton upsets Michigan State. (Nearly) I predict VCU is criminally under seeded, and will beat Oregon State like frontier women beat dirty rugs by the river. I predict the first #1 seed to go down will be Oregon, at the hands of a St Joe’s team that’s playing as well as anyone in the country right now. I predict you think I’m Atlantic-10 biased because I’m a Dayton grad. I predict I don’t care. I predict Bob Huggins will look like he’s having a stroke on the West Virginia sideline nearly as many times as Dick Vitale yells “Awesome, baby!” I predict I’ll eat an absolute buttload of chicken wings, chips and salsa and multiple bacon varietals, and yes “Buttload” is an approved NASA unit of measurement. Finally, I predict the Final Four will be Kansas, Oklahoma, North Carolina and Michigan State, so I apologize to the fans of those schools for cursing them.

Look, we’ll do Mortal Lock Friday again on Friday, but that will most likely consists of me complaining about my busted brackets and hurling thinly veiled threats at the coaches I picked that lost, the NCAA in general and the IRS (just for fun). Today, let’s just enjoy the fact that we’re free enough to do a Friday staple on a Wednesday. As Yakov used to say, “What a country!”

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.


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