By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger
I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.
Greetings and salutations, fellow sports junkies. The Sweet Sixteen begins today, as the 2016 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, better known as March Madness, rolls on towards an inevitable conclusion of jumping bench players, crying cheerleaders and fans incredulous over missed calls and wasted timeouts because they obviously know better. Well, I know I do, anyway.
See, Here’s The Thing; We don’t know who’s going to win each game, and we don’t know who’s going to cut down the nets just before the One Shining Moment montage, but any sports fan with a memory longer than three weeks DOES know how we’re going to get to Houston. There’s going to be controversy when a high seed avoids an upset via a “questionable” call in the closing moments, causing a Twitter firestorm about how the tournament is rigged and the little guy never has a chance and something about the Rothschild conspiracy and the Trilateral Commission and this is why we need Bernie Sanders and your candidate is Hitler. We KNOW this. There’s going to be a blowout in a game we thought would be a nail biter, causing everyone to question the coaches and their plan, the players and their heart, and whether anyone in their family wasn’t wearing their lucky socks OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU FORGET YOUR LUCKY SOCKS?!?!? There will be at least five charges called at critical points in the game, and the referee calling it will look more excited than a fifteen year old boy seeing his first boob. At some point, announcers and fans will openly question whether “the game has passed (insert name of older coach) by,” ignoring the fact that said coach got his team to The Sweet Sixteen. Finally and possibly most importantly, we know that once this weekend is over and we’re down to The Final Four, we as a nation are one step closer to The Masters, and that, my friends, is a great, great thing.
Look, I could tell you who’s going to be in The Final Four, but I already did that yesterday, so if you want to know, go listen to that episode. What we do know is this – it’s time to get your Cheetos, your beer and a minimum of ten varieties of bacon snacks out, because March Madness is back, and it’s awesome, baybee!