Here’s The Thing – Sports On Christmas Saves Lives

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

It’s Throwback Thursday all across social media today. It’s also the last non-Mortal Lock Friday for me before I take next week off to be with my family for the holiday. Put those two things together, and prepare yourself for a look at holiday sports memories that may or may not get a bit maudlin. (Don’t worry, there will still be plenty of fart jokes)

See, Here’s The Thing; When this season rolls around we see our families and loved ones, some of who we haven’t seen in a year. Also when this season rolls around, we rapidly remember WHY we haven’t seen some of these people in a year, so we gravitate to the television to avoid a domestic event that ends with someone uttering the phrase “You see Judge Joe Brown, what had happened was…” Some of our best sports memories occur while we gaze intently at the TV screen, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with Uncle Joe and his insistence on political discussions that include the phrase “Send ‘em all back where they come from,” and can only end with someone needing to find a shovel and some lime. The NFL, usually a leader in cramming games in our faces in every nook and cranny of the calendar, only occasionally helps us out in this regard. However the NBA has a tradition of putting multiple games on Christmas Day, proving they are the league that values families staying together by avoiding conversation or even direct contact with each other for long stretches of time. When you think of how many holiday arguments which lead to holiday grudges which lead to holiday murders which lead to uncomfortable holiday lunches of leftover ham have been avoided by simply staring at a game for hours and hours like like the mindless zombies the rest of our families believe we are, it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and holidayish in your heart, doesn’t it?

Look, no one knows if the Cavs-Warriors game on Christmas day will cause anyone’s fingers to be released from their relatives throats, but we DO know Cavs-Warriors has a better chance than hearing about Aunt Trudy’s trip to Aruba. So in this holiest of times, remember to be grateful that on the 8th day God created sports. Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Find my Twitter, Facebook, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at middleagedmarriedguy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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