By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger
I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.
Hello there, friends and inmates, it’s good to talk to you again. I’ve just returned from Las Vegas, after attending my daughter’s three day volleyball tournament, and I’m tired. Not the normal Vegas-tired, after 5AM tequila shooters and mornings spent uttering the phrase “Where are my pants?” and “When did I get a Yosemite Sam tattoo on my buttcheek?” No, this is just old people/parent tired. Either way, focusing this morning has been difficult.
See, Here’s The Thing; Unable to find a single topic to talk about today, I’ve decided to go full Larry King and just talk about everything. The dude made a 50 year career out of stream-of-consciousness broadcasting. Genius. So here we go, with “Steve’s Things.” I could have made a better Boogie Cousins trade, and I rarely understand the NBA salary cap and was half hammered on rum Sunday night. I didn’t watch the NBA All Star Game, because I can always go watch World War II footage of the French Maginot Line if I want to see pathetic defense. If his foot is healthy, Joe Mathis will be the steal of the NFL Draft. There’s nothing like being surrounded by hundreds of 6’3” teenagers at a volleyball tournament to make you feel like a Lilliputian. Bacon is the dessert of breakfast – always save at least one slice for last. Warriors-Cavs and Indians-Cubs rematches seem inevitable, so you should bet your left pancreas against them both occurring. Every year we are told that this NFL Draft Quarterback class is “weak,” and teams should wait until next year when the class is “loaded;” literally every year, yet somehow people still fall for it. The funniest show you’re probably not watching is “Review: With Forrest MacNeil.” “Bunting practice” is the most exciting part of Spring Training to watch since “Pitchers covering first on a bunt” practice, and by “exciting” I mean “Bleach drinking fun.” Big changes are coming. Take that however you wish. Finally, remember that Father Time is undefeated, and he can bring The Hammer quickly.
Look, I still can’t really focus, but I’ve filled two minutes of radio airtime and sounded semi-coherant, so I’m going to go ahead and put today in the win column. #Champion
Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.