Here’s The Thing – Mortal Lock Friday

By Stephen Thomas (
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

After yesterday’s death defying trip into logic and reason here at HTT headquarters, today we return to our normal stomping grounds of crazy, loony and downright stupid. (Hey, you go with your strengths, folks) That’s right, we’re discussing the “smart” ways to gamble your money on sports, with our guaranteed “system” on Mortal Lock Friday.

See, Here’s The Thing; There is no “system” that beats Vegas, folks. If there was a system that allowed you as The Player to consistently beat The House, well then The House wouldn’t exist, now would it? Next time you’re in Vegas, take a look around at the 8 trillion lights, the fountains that do choreographed dances to a blend of Sinatra and Garth Brooks, and the 100 foot gold lion in front of MGM, and realize they paid for that with money from your “system.” All that being said, MY system works to perfection, so let’s get started! I predict that either Florida, LSU or Utah (and possibly more than one) goes down this week in a big upset. I predict that no matter how hard I root for Mississippi State to knock off Alabama in a letdown/trap game, it has less of a chance of happening than women have of keeping their lunch down after seeing me in a speedo. I predict at some point soon, Michael Jordan will make a remark to the media about how he played better than Steph Curry is right now. Hey Michael: No one from Krypton has played better than Steph Curry is playing right now. I predict that by kickoff of NFL Sunday, my retinas will have only half recovered from the battering they took at the hands of the Jets/Bills uniforms. I predict victories for the Packers, Bucs, Panthers, Rams, Redskins, Eagles, Raiders, Pats, Broncos and Cards. Finally, I predict that I’ll watch the Browns 1989 playoff win over the Bills on YouTube Sunday instead of their game in Pittsburgh, because it’ll be a LOT more fun. Momma didn’t raise no dummy.

Look, regular listeners who follow my “system” know how well it works, which is why they’re also in the “system” set up by the federal government to help those with no money. The guys who run Vegas are smart, folks. Smarter than us. (I’m saying this so that when they rule the world, they’ll give me extra rations. Again, Momma didn’t raise no dummy)

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