Here’s The Thing – Hey Baseball, Don’t Screw It Up

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

So we’re approaching another potential work stoppage in Major League baseball. As someone old enough to remember the last one from 1994 (yet not old enough to remember Paul Revere’s Wild Ride, despite what my teenage daughter thinks), I can say to the owners without hesitation that to have a lockout, even a short one that doesn’t delay Spring Training, would be an incredibly bad idea.

See, Here’s The Thing; Hey baseball: you’ve grown fan interest and bridged the generation gap in the past few years, don’t screw it up. Even the much-maligned Millennials have been drawn into baseball, most recently by an utterly electrifying postseason, and have apparently cast aside their need for every sporting event to have constant noise and more unending action than a Kardashian bedroom. Now for a moment, let’s forget the fact that the last stoppage ALSO happened when Cleveland had a team capable of ending their World Series drought (Thanks, God!). After ’94, it took years for the fan base to return, and it’s debatable whether or not the “Steroid Era” was permitted to happen on the sly in order to regain that fan interest. through Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa and guys like Brady Anderson hitting home runs halfway to Singapore. (Shut up, Rafael Palmeiro, I don’t want to hear it) In 2016, the world of entertainment is so vastly different, with so many more options not only available but readily available at the touch of an app, Major League Baseball might never recover from another lockout or strike. Americans have become cynical enough already, and Major League Baseball – The American Pastime – showing yet another disconnect between the haves and the have nots could be the death knell for the sport. I know people have always said that, and I’m usually the first to poopoo it (mostly because I like saying “poopoo” in public) but the world is different now, and the growth and availability of other sports from around the globe, gives this time a different feel.

Look, I’ve always been a baseball guy so I’m biased, but it seems to me a no brainer. Do you want a slightly smaller piece of a giant cash pie, or no pie at all? Major League Baseball: Your Move.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

HeresTheThingArt

How to Win a Fight in the Stands at Your Son’s Game

By @Sports_Father
PSDC Special Contributor

If you’re a real Sports DadⓇ, you’ve been in scenarios where you wanted to fight another parent in the stands. Maybe it’s a Dad from the other team talking too much smack. Maybe it’s a Dad from your team complaining about your son starting. Maybe it’s a referee come to kick you out for excessive vulgarity. No matter the reason, you’ll need to be ready for a fight.

Photo Credit: Slate.com

Photo Credit: Slate.com

I’ve been there and I’ve seen the motivational effect dishing out a good beatdown in the stands can have on my son. Nothing makes him want to go out there and hit a grand slam like seeing me put the catcher’s dad in a headlock. I’m sure my son likes it, never asked, but I’m pretty sure.

As a veteran of many bleacher bloodbaths, I’ve gained a reputation as the Chuck Liddell of Little League. Here are some of my tips and tricks you can employ the next time that windbag in the khakis starts spouting off.

1. Drink but Don’t Get Too Drunk

I’ve always found that I truly hit my stride as a sports spectator, sideline coach, and human being after about 3 and a half domestic beers. That puts you right in that comfort zone of retaining most of your faculties while also being able to forget the problems of your life (divorce, unemployment, erectile disfunction, etc) so that you can focus on the game before you. Too little alcohol in your system and you might have second thoughts on sucker punching that doofus in the Braves hat. Too much wet on your whistle and you could lose control of your faculties and drift into Loser Dad territory. You can’t land haymakers if you’re sleeping one off in the equipment shed. [Read more…]

Here’s The Thing – Baseball Season Is Almost Over

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

CLICK HERE to listen.

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

The NBA and NHL playoffs are closer to their conclusion than to their beginning, the Indy 500 is coming up, we’re 2/3 of the way through the Triple Crown, and the NFL has apparently decided they will never, ever, ever stop making deflated balls jokes. All of which has distracted us from the fact that, amazingly, we are nearly 1/4 of the way through baseball season. What? [Read more…]

Here’s The Thing – 162 Games. No More, No Less

By Stephen Thomas
PSDC Funnyman and Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

“Pitchers and catchers report.” Four of the sweetest words in sports, they signal that the boys of summer will soon vanquish this Polar Vortex that has gripped Los Angeles in 57 degree and sometimes cloudy hell. Baseball season is upon us, hours of fun in the sun, hot dogs, beer and fighting with drunken complete strangers for foul balls that we’ll give to our 8 year old, and they’ll treasure for nearly 37 minutes before they lose it. [Read more…]

Here’s The Thing – The Ryan Express Is Leaving The Station 10/18/13

By Stephen Thomas
PSDC Funnyman and Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

Stephen Thomas’ brand new CD “Magic Wife Dust” is now available HERE! His sports-humor commentary can be heard nationwide, weekdays on The Nick Bonsanto Show on the Sports Byline USA radio network. You can subscribe to the Here’s The Thing podcast on iTunes and/or Podbean for free.  The transcripts will appear here.

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

Nolan Ryan is retiring as the CEO of the Texas Rangers. These days, it’s nice to have the CEO of a large corporation retiring instead of being forced out under a cloud of suspicion and government indictments. For those out there who continue to claim that sports is a waste of time, I counter with the playing and front office career of one Mr. Nolan Ryan, who raised the bar on performance and class, and pushed himself to achieve greatness in a way that inspired everyone who watched him. [Read more…]

This is the Worst First Pitch in the History of First Pitches

This is the worst first pitch in the history of first pitches. Must see.

The Language of Baseball

By Joshua V. Best
PSDC Writer

One of the greatest things about baseball is the colorful language. No, not the bawdy kind, but the terminology – baseball is filled with so many expressions, slang terms and funny statements. If a fairly unexposed fan were to listen in on a seasoned veteran’s discussion, he might be totally lost. And the language is always evolving too. As you know, I have been involved with the game all my life – I believe it to be the one great game. But even I am hearing new terms every season.

One of my co-coaches is fond of using the phrase “handful of bees,” as directed to the pitcher: “Give him a handful of bees right here.” He means throw the pitch high and tight, also known as a “brushback,” or my favorite, “chin music.” I never heard handful of bees before, but I have quickly adopted it.

[Read more…]

Here’s The Thing – Fan Loyalty

By Stephen Thomas
PSDC Funnyman and Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

Stephen Thomas’ sports-humor commentary can be heard nationwide, weekdays on The Nick Bonsanto Show on the Sports Byline USA radio network. You can subscribe to the Here’s The Thing podcast on iTunes for free.  The transcripts will appear here daily.

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

The Cleveland Indians have announced that the prices of some stadium concessions like beer, nachos, pizza, and bratwurst will drop about 30% each, which means you’re going to want to sit upwind of the bleacher creatures (Ya na na na na na na…).  Fart jokes aside, this move, combined with the Indians unexpectedly spending a ton in free agency this offseason, makes me wonder if ownership has some insider information about the end of the world.  It’s also makes me wonder why this doesn’t happen more often. [Read more…]

Steroids Causing Shrinkage at Baseball Hall

By Joe Hines
PSDC Staff Writer & Chicago Guru

Yogi Berra, Ralph Kiner and Early Wynn. The names recall an era of baseball purity, don’t they? A time when we were more worried about what the back of a player’s baseball card said, rather than his contract and potential free agent year. Why would I bring up these legendary baseball names while in the midst of a Super Bowl tournament, the NBA, and the NHL ready to skate after Commissioner Gary Bettman drew and quartered hockey season. These three were the top vote getters in the balloting for the 1971 ballot for enshrinement in Baseball’s Hall of Fame. None were elected. I happen to believe that is the way it SHOULD work. [Read more…]

Hibernating at the MLB Winter Meetings

By Joe Hines
PSDC Chicago Guru

So, Dale Sveum gets himself shot by Robin (Dick Cheney) Yount while hunting quail. The Cubs manager claims not to have been hurt, just got a bit of buckshot in the ear. Then he dispels any notion of being OK by going and hiring Rob Deer as an assistant hitting coach. Might want to visit the doc one more time for an insurance catscan skip. [Read more…]

Fearless MLB Offseason Observations

By Joe Hines
PSDC Writer 

We take a break from our regularly scheduled football season to examine a few of moves made by Major League Baseball teams. Keep in mind I come from a Chicago point of view, where the big news thus far is the Cubs hiring a new television analyst. Jim Deshaies, by all accounts a knowledgeable, funny, engaging sort, not to mention all around nice guy, is a pleasant diversion from the on-field, 101 loss team known as Theo Epstein’s’ reincarnate Cubs squad. [Read more…]

The End is Always Too Soon

“Depression: Being on deck when you lose a playoff game and your 2012 baseball season is over.” – Matt Bellner