Reid’s Week Fourteen NFL Picks: Fearless Predictions

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

As we enter the homestretch of the NFL season, this is the time when teams either buckle down or knuckle under. We’re seeing teams like Pittsburgh and Kansas City making big pushes despite their early struggles, and Minnesota and Green Bay reversing that trend.

In honor of the big twists and turns in the NFL so far this season, this week I present my fearless predictions, guaranteed to be at least as accurate as Ron Jaworski.

– By the 2018 season, Colin Kaepernick will either be a Pro Bowl quarterback or out of the NFL.

– Johnny Manziel will still be a Cleveland Brown by the time the Super Bowl gets here, and Mike Pettine will not.

– Peyton Manning will be a starter in the league next year, but somewhere in the Central Time Zone.

– Jim Tomsula will stay the head coach of the 49ers next year, and that will not be a very good decision.

– San Diego and Oakland will move to Los Angeles, and the NFL will trade an old rivalry for a presence in an apathetic market. And the Rams will get the shaft.

– Marcus Mariota and Jameis Winston will both be starters in the NFL for many years to come, while Robert Griffin III will not.

– Washington will keep Kurt Cousins, and regret it.

– Atlanta will fire a lot of people in the offseason.

– That “Concussion” movie will be very good, however, the NFL will never acknowledge it and 99% of you will never see it.

– I will make the postseason in my fantasy league and painfully lose in the first round for the fourth straight year, thus earning me the “Bengals Lifetime Playoff Lack of Achievement Award.”

– Andrew Luck will take his starting job back and no one will ever mention it again.

– Seattle will make the playoffs and go 1-1.

– When Tony Romo throws his first interception next year, most of you will have forgotten how much the Cowboys need him.

– Arizona will win the NFC.

– The Patriots will make the Super Bowl, unless they have to play the Chiefs or Steelers on the way.

On to the picks. Week Thirteen was solid for me, I went 4-2, and only overestimated the Vikings and the Rams this time. I had the Cowboys winning that game against Washington for one simple reason: It made no sense. In the NFC Nickelback Division, logic and reality are just vague suggestions, so bet accordingly.

I’m now 48-35-2 on the year. Time for my playoff push. Here’s my picks for week fourteen. Remember, these are for the purposes of discussion only. As always, no wagering.

Pittsburgh (+3) at Cincinnati – I have more confidence in the playoff futures of Pittsburgh as a possible wild card than I do Cincinnati as a number-one seed.
Pick: Steelers

San Francisco (+1.5) at Cleveland: Johnny Football gets more comebacks than Jason Voorhees.
Pick: Browns

Buffalo (NL) at Philadelphia: The running back he dumped wants to clobber him. The back he signed went over his head to complain to the owner. Chip Kelly is to running backs what Charlie Sheen is to girlfriends.
Pick: Eagles

Atlanta (+9) at Carolina: Stop saying the Panthers are overrated. And yes, if you could reach those grapes, they’d probably be sour.
Pick: Falcons

New Orleans (+4.5) at Tampa Bay – I hope Sports Illustrated does a special edition commemorating Brandon Browner’s 100th pass interference penalty this week.
Pick: Bucs

Dallas (+7) at Green Bay: You’d say a loss here would end the Cowboys playoff hopes, but the entire division is basically the cast of “Grown-Ups 2” here. Anything good coming out of them would be a shock.
Pick: Cowboys

I’ll also take Western Kentucky over South Florida in the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Bowl, Akron over Utah State in the Facebook-Friend-Request-From-A-Total-Stranger Bowl, and Temple over Toledo in the Kardashian Bowl.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s novel “The Great Texas Trailer Park Escape” is available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

The Perfect Ten! on PSDC: Week 21

It’s time once again for the fan favorite here at ProjectShanks.com. We call it “The Perfect Ten” and I can guarantee you it is far from perfect. Here are the details. Every week several members of the PSDC family will pick five NFL games, five college games and one game of the participant’s choice…all against the Vegas pointspread (not this week obviously).

Reid Kerr emerged victorious in the original competition, David Parks took home the belt in year two and Tyler Elliott took home the prize last season. We are all prognosticators at heart and now we have a chance to share our picks with the world. A wise man once said, “There are two types of bettors…losers and liars.” In addition to pride and bragging rights, the contestants are vying for the possession of this jewel…

ThePerfectTen [Read more…]

The Perfect Ten! on PSDC: Week 20

It’s time once again for the fan favorite here at ProjectShanks.com. We call it “The Perfect Ten” and I can guarantee you it is far from perfect. Here are the details. Every week several members of the PSDC family will pick five NFL games, five college games and one game of the participant’s choice…all against the Vegas pointspread (not this week obviously).

Reid Kerr emerged victorious in the original competition, David Parks took home the belt in year two and Tyler Elliott took home the prize last season. We are all prognosticators at heart and now we have a chance to share our picks with the world. A wise man once said, “There are two types of bettors…losers and liars.” In addition to pride and bragging rights, the contestants are vying for the possession of this jewel…

ThePerfectTen

So without further ado, here are this week’s picks. [Read more…]

The Perfect Ten! on PSDC: Week 19

It’s time once again for the fan favorite here at ProjectShanks.com. We call it “The Perfect Ten” and I can guarantee you it is far from perfect. Here are the details. Every week several members of the PSDC family will pick five NFL games, five college games and one game of the participant’s choice…all against the Vegas pointspread. Reid Kerr emerged victorious in the original competition, David Parks took home the belt in year two and Tyler Elliott took home the prize last season. We are all prognosticators at heart and now we have a chance to share our picks with the world. A wise man once said, “There are two types of bettors…losers and liars.” In addition to pride and bragging rights, the contestants are vying for the possession of this jewel…

ThePerfectTen

So without further ado, here are this week’s picks. [Read more…]

The Perfect Ten! on PSDC: Week 18

It’s time once again for the fan favorite here at ProjectShanks.com. We call it “The Perfect Ten” and I can guarantee you it is far from perfect. Here are the details. Every week several members of the PSDC family will pick five NFL games, five college games and one game of the participant’s choice…all against the Vegas pointspread. Reid Kerr emerged victorious in the original competition, David Parks took home the belt in year two and Tyler Elliott took home the prize last season. We are all prognosticators at heart and now we have a chance to share our picks with the world. A wise man once said, “There are two types of bettors…losers and liars.” In addition to pride and bragging rights, the contestants are vying for the possession of this jewel…

ThePerfectTen

So without further ado, here are this week’s picks. [Read more…]

Reid’s NFL Picks: Happy Returns

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

At this point, I hope everyone has had a merry Christmas, and a happy gift-returning season. I took back some incorrectly sized shoes, and waited in a line long enough to ride the Cliffhanger, and get Springsteen tickets on the other side.

Meanwhile, it’s week seventeen, and most of the questions this year in the NFL have already been answered. Are the Cowboys better than 8-8. Yes. Is Jadaveon Clowney worthy of a number one pick? Not yet, no. Can anyone stop Seattle? Yes, but maybe not. Are the Patriots done? Yes, they’ve already been done, and have come back from the brink.

What’s left to answer? Is Peyton healthy? Which Green Bay will show up for the playoffs? Has Oakland showed enough promise to lure a coach from across the Bay? Why won’t anyone hire Jon Gruden out of the booth, so he’ll stop talking? [Read more…]

The Perfect Ten! on PSDC: Week 17

It’s time once again for the fan favorite here at ProjectShanks.com. We call it “The Perfect Ten” and I can guarantee you it is far from perfect. Here are the details. Every week several members of the PSDC family will pick five NFL games, five college games and one game of the participant’s choice…all against the Vegas pointspread. Reid Kerr emerged victorious in the original competition, David Parks took home the belt in year two and Tyler Elliott took home the prize last season. We are all prognosticators at heart and now we have a chance to share our picks with the world. A wise man once said, “There are two types of bettors…losers and liars.” In addition to pride and bragging rights, the contestants are vying for the possession of this jewel…

ThePerfectTen

So without further ado, here are this week’s picks. [Read more…]

Degenerate Gamblers XII – The Naughty List Is WAY More Fun

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15), PDSC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger &
Chris Stuckey (@TheChrisStuckey), Editor-In-Chief of Project Shanks and World Class Chick Magnet

100785276

Well, look who’s back. We suppose you blew the Blackbeard-sized pile of gold bullion we won for you last week, and are in search of a DGI Christmas miracle to save your sorry butt, aren’t you? You’re lucky we’re in a giving mood, and by “giving mood” we mean “non-stabbing mood.” OK, OK, out of the goodness of our spleens, we’ll give you one more group of winners before Christmas, but that’s it. At DGI, we embrace degenerates, but we can’t be accused of not having a heart. (OK, we can be accused, but never convicted) [Read more…]

The Perfect Ten! on PSDC: Week 16

It’s time once again for the fan favorite here at ProjectShanks.com. We call it “The Perfect Ten” and I can guarantee you it is far from perfect. Here are the details. Every week several members of the PSDC family will pick five NFL games, five college games and one game of the participant’s choice…all against the Vegas pointspread. Reid Kerr emerged victorious in the original competition, David Parks took home the belt in year two and Tyler Elliott took home the prize last season. We are all prognosticators at heart and now we have a chance to share our picks with the world. A wise man once said, “There are two types of bettors…losers and liars.” In addition to pride and bragging rights, the contestants are vying for the possession of this jewel…

ThePerfectTen

So without further ado, here are this week’s picks. [Read more…]

Degenerate Gamblers, Inc XI – Simply. Awesome. You’re Welcome.

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15), PDSC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger &
Chris Stuckey (@TheChrisStuckey), Editor-In-Chief of Project Shanks and World Class Chick Magnet

You’re back, are you? Of course you are. You can’t stay away. You may be degenerates, but at least you’re smart enough to realize no one on Earth hands over as many winners on a weekly basis as the crack staff here at Degenerate Gamblers, Inc. (When we say crack staff, we mean in the plumber sense – no one wears underwear here, because it drives the ladies wild with desire.) You come back each week because we allow you to bask in our awesomeness for one day, and the rush of endorphins that releases in your degenerate brain is unrivaled by any legal substance on the planet. Hey, think about how we feel – we sit around in a pool of our own awesomeness every day. Rick James wishes he was us, bitch. It’s friggin’ fantastic. At DGI, we embrace degenerates, but we love ourselves even more.

On to the giant pile of guarantees.

Photo Credit: AP

Photo Credit: AP

It’s Week 13, and The Battle Of Ohio has severe playoff implications. The Bengals like to say “Who Dey?” Well, Johnny Manziel will be flashing the money sign and saying “We Dey, bitch!” JFF gets his first NFL start in the last home game of the year in Cleveland, the Dawg Pound is going to be frenzied like they’re on some really choice Heisenberg Blue, and Cleveland will extend their playoff hopes at least one more week. I don’t care what Stuckey says, the Browns win this one by 10 or more. STUCKEY’S PICK: BENGALS PICK ‘EM (STEPHEN DISAGREES AND BARKS IN STUCKEY’S FACE IN A RATHER ANNOYING FASHION) [Read more…]

The Perfect Ten! on PSDC: Week 15

It’s time once again for the fan favorite here at ProjectShanks.com. We call it “The Perfect Ten” and I can guarantee you it is far from perfect. Here are the details. Every week several members of the PSDC family will pick five NFL games, five college games and one game of the participant’s choice…all against the Vegas pointspread. Reid Kerr emerged victorious in the original competition, David Parks took home the belt in year two and Tyler Elliott took home the prize last season. We are all prognosticators at heart and now we have a chance to share our picks with the world. A wise man once said, “There are two types of bettors…losers and liars.” In addition to pride and bragging rights, the contestants are vying for the possession of this jewel…

ThePerfectTen

So without further ado, here are this week’s picks. [Read more…]

Degenerate Gamblers Inc, Vol X – Clowning Around

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15), PDSC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger &
Chris Stuckey (@TheChrisStuckey), Editor-In-Chief of Project Shanks and World Class Chick Magnet

You know why you’re here. You’re here because Degenerate Gamblers, Inc is not only the sole handicapping entity in the entire industry that not only gives you badass, tailwhoopin’ picks that never, ever fail, but we do it wearing nothing but floppy clown shoes and a smile. That’s right, beyond your obvious gambling addiction, you have some pretty shady fetishes rooted deep in some childhood psychological scarring. Hey, as long as you keep paying the fees and buying our season picks packages, we don’t really care. At DGI, we embrace degenerates, sometimes we embrace them in a tiny Volkswagen with 50 other people in clown suits, but we don’t care about your feelings or well being.

On to this week’s guarantees. (*Sound of ah-oooga horn*)

The Pac-12 Championship Game features a rematch of Oregon’s only loss of the season. There are whispers that if things fall right at the top of the rankings and Arizona wins this game, the Wildcats could sneak into the college football playoff. To those who would say that, we squirt water into your eye from the trick flower on our lapel. Not just any water, either; it’s California tap water, which is nearly as toxic as the stuff “Alien” tried to spit on Sigourney Weaver. The Ducks spank UofA. Yes, we said spank. Stop thinking about clowns when we say spank. Sickos. STUCKEY’S PICK: OREGON -14.5 (STEPHEN AGREES)

Missouri is known as “The Show Me State.” We’ve never been exactly sure what they want to be shown, but we DO know what women in your average Missouri grocery DON’T want to be shown. We’re not legally permitted to go into further detail, but suffice to say its why we can never again go back to Springfield, into any store owned by the Kroger chain, or within 50 feet of any of the line of fine Van DeKamps products. Another thing they don’t want to be show is Alabama’s tail lights, but that’s what going to happen. TV folks are trying to talk this game up, but remember that TV folks also talked up “Peter Pan Live.” STUCKEY’S PICK: ALABAMA -14.5 (STEPHEN AGREES)

The Seminoles have been surviving by the skin of their teeth all season, both on the field and in the courtroom. If there’s one good thing to say about this hideous new college football playoff system, it’s that an undefeated team doesn’t have to stay ranked number one simply because they’re undefeated. You skate by, you lose ranking. As it should be. Georgia Tech’s uniforms and offense can send people into seizures, and that just might happen in the ACC Championship Game. The Ramblin’ Wreck crashes into Famous Jameis and destroys his chance at a repeat championship. STUCKEY’S PICK: GEORGIA TECH +4 (STEPHEN DISAGREES)

On to the NFL, where they both play and pretend to care about domestic violence at a much higher level.

The Indianapolis Colts head to the Lakefront to take on the Browns in Cleveland, and Trent Richardson has vowed to leap into the Dawg Pound if he scores a touchdown. First, the only way Richardson scores on Sunday is if he’s shooting another home made porno. Second, we almost hope he does score, because if he’s delusional enough to believe the fans in the Dawg Pound will welcome him, he deserves whatever beer soaked, pepper sprayed, “stick your finger down your throat and force yourself to vomit in his helmet earhole” mayhem the Dawg Pounders cook up for him. Having held season tickets in the Pound since 1991, we can only imagine what hellish torture it will be. STUCKEY’S PICK: COLTS -3.5 (STEPHEN DISAGREES)

It’s December, which means any game played in Philadelphia must – by law, MUST – include several announcer references to Philly fans booing Santa Claus, as well as a few seconds of grainy footage proving that the incident happened. The Seahawks come in riding high, but they haven’t seen anything like what they’re about to run into. Namely, a bunch of fans booing Santa Claus, their team, most nuns, and a majority of the cute little puppies at random pet storefronts. Those people like to boo, even when they’re winning. Which they will. STUCKEY’S PICK: EAGLES -1.5 (STEPHEN AGREES)

If you go back to the end of the Patriots game in Green Bay last week, just after the Packers gained the first down to lock up the game, you can see Tom Brady shouting on the sideline for some cutlery. He must have had a bunch of spaghetti to eat, because he kept yelling “FORK! FORK! FORK!” over and over. I just kept thinking, “Man, someone get that dude a fork!” Anyway, even with much better weather, Saint Brady will be asking for plenty of forks as the game with San Diego comes to a close; Pats drop their second in a row. STUCKEY’S PICK: CHARGERS +3 (STEPHEN DISAGREES)(STEPHEN ALSO NEEDS A FORK)

So there you have it, the best pile of picks this side of Tucson. Or Dallas. Or something. Anyway, take these and multiply your millions, or we’ll squirt seltzer in your eye and ride a tricycle next to an elephant. Because of the clown shoes. Remember? Holy crap, pay attention, degenerates. Go gamble. (*Sound of ah-oooga horn*)

Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15) and Chris Stuckey (@TheChrisStuckey) have been voted “Badass SexyBeast Handicappers Of The Year” in Vegas every year since 1993, and have been featured by ESPN, Maxim and Eddie Gaedel’s Sports And Bondage Fun-O-Rama, except that none of that is true and this entire column is bullshit. Gamble on your own, degenerates.