Here’s The Thing – Countdowns Are Cool

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Did you know it’s 19 days until The Super Bowl? I do, because countdowns are something that I love. I am a red blooded American male and a sports fan, which by law means I love bacon, cheerleaders, steak cooked rare, beer in mass quantities, and knowing exactly how many days until my next opportunity for bacon, cheerleaders, steak cooked rare and beer in mass quantities. Plus, counting backwards is cool.

See, Here’s The Thing; I love looking forward to “the next fun thing.” I’m a happy go lucky guy most of the time (I’m also a happy go naked guy, and perhaps not coincidentally, the two often overlap), so I spend a great deal of energy having fun in the moment. However, I also know that anticipation can be a close cousin of fun, so I have numerous countdowns in the calendar of my phone. For example, it’s only 26 days until Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training, which means it’s only about 32 days until people get bored with Spring Training and start being excited that it’s only 75 days until Opening Day. It’s also 75 days until The Final Four begins, and you have to grumble about losing your office March madness pool to a lady who made her picks based on which team’s animal mascot would win in a fight. 134 days until the NBA Finals are scheduled to begin, which means about 148 days left for me to answer every sports taunt with “Cavs: NBA Champs, baybee!” (Hopefully they renew that for me) Did you know it’s only 41 days until the NFL Combine? It’s true! 41 days until middle aged and old men watch young men run around in their underwear for a week, and somehow no one thinks it’s weird and creepy and borderline NAMBLA-esque! After that, 51 days until NFL Free Agency, and 99 days until The NFL Draft, where middle aged and old men write names of young men on note cards, pass them around, and we sit glued watching it on our TV’s for three entire days. I’ll bet you didn’t know all that. I’ll bet it’s because you have a life.

Look, I could sit here and pass along countdowns all day, but it’s only five more days until I get to go home. That’s my favorite countdown.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – DraftTwitter And Testosterone Fights

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Well joyous greetings to you, friends and inmates. Another glorious day of sunshine coats the Earth, we’re all above the dirt and breathing and most of us don’t have angry squirrels attacking our genitals. In other words, it’s a good day. You’d never know that if you’re an NFL fan and currently reading DraftTwitter though. You’d think we’re 4 hours into The Purge, and you’re the best friend that everyone just knows isn’t going to make it.

See, Here’s The Thing; For fans of the NFL Draft, DraftTwitter is a necessity that everyone seems to hate. Kind of like if you were told you must eat Brussels Sprouts to survive. You’d do it, but you’d try to wrap them in something that tastes better than Brussels Sprouts, like bacon or old coffee grounds or gasoline or wolf puke. No one is ever happy in DraftTwitter. Ever. Reading DraftTwitter, you’d think the world was ending, there was a giant Space Ark with less than a dozen seats remaining, and who gets those seats was being decided by an all out fistfight to the death over completion percentages, fluid hips, hand size and the phrase “Pfft do you even watch film, bro?” For a bunch of people who seem to realize there is NO way you’re going to get everyone to agree with you on any player in the draft, they get viciously angry when everyone doesn’t agree with them on every player in the draft. Honestly, I’ve had more luck figuring out why my wife is mad than why some in DraftTwitter are mad, and the times I’ve apologized to my wife without having a clue as to why numbers in the thousands. How can this be changed? I don’t think it can. Simply put, a bunch of sports guys simmering in testosterone will always want to fight. Over ANYTHING. The NFL Draft, women, donuts, women, merging on the highway, women, whether Die Hard is a Christmas move, women, more donuts, women; it’s always going to be a chest beating contest, and the question “Who knows more about football” is what the kids would call a trigger issue.

Look, debate in DraftTwitter all you want, I’d rather do something more productive, like argue about politics. Now if you’ll excuse me, it really is a nice day. I’m going to go enjoy it.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

Here’s The Thing – These Jokes Are Golden

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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I greet you today as I always do, friends and inmates. With a smile on my face and a song in my heart. Of course, after the news of yesterday that song is “Yellow River” by I.P. Freely, but that’s mostly because I’m basically still 12 years old. Finding it difficult to write about sports today without inserting all kinds of peepee jokes, but let’s give it a go, shall we? (Hehe … “go”)

See, Here’s The Thing; I’m having trouble saying or doing anything today without it leading to a weewee joke for several reasons. Number one … HAHA! “NUMBER ONE!” OK, last one of those, I promise. Number….FIRST, because as I said I’m an overgrown child at heart, and jokes about peepee and poopoo are right about my level. (Side note: a solid fart noise will NEVER not make me laugh, and if you don’t agree, we likely can’t be friends) Number two (STOPSTOPSTOP!) with the way the world is today, subtlety has been lost on many. You can’t dance around the point, even in a joke. You have to feed the information directly to people, with a steady, strong stream right in their face. Drown them in it, you understand? Comedy these days seems to only have an impact when people have paid good money to have the flood of jokes come directly at them, and most comedy clubs are successful when multiple performers can shower the audience with what they want, not just one guy. Let me tell you something else I’ve learned in over 21 years of comedy: If you can make jokes so straightforward they somehow break the language barrier, you are golden. I mean, let’s say if you can make those who speak (as a random example) Russian fall to their knees, thoroughly enjoy the comedy you’re spraying at them, and pay to come back for more, you have a chance to be one of the most powerful people in the free world. Seriously, gather all of your joke streams and push them together into one headed directly at your target, and urine for a treat.

Look, tomorrow we may mo e on to something different, but for today (even though I’m not Chinese) I play joke, I put peepee in your Coke.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – And The National Championship Goes To…

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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It’s a new year, a new day, and we have a new National Champion in college football. Good to be back with you in 2017, ladies and people who lie to the ladies on a regular basis. I’ve recovered from my holiday eggnog coma, at least to the point where I can confidently discuss the National Championship Game, draw certain conclusions from it, and fight on Twitter with anyone who disagrees. In other words: I’m fine.

See, Here’s The Thing; What. A. Game. Clemson and Alabama put on a classic, the kind of game that makes me feel bad for people who don’t like sports. Not as bad as I feel for people who don’t like bacon, though. Actually, I don’t feel bad for those people, I feel mad at them. You don’t like bacon? What are you, some kind of psycho nutjob? You should be on multiple No Fly lists, you maniac. What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Clemson. An amazing show by both teams, that literally went down to the last second, as well as the last ounce of energy for many of the guys on the field. The amount of hitting in that game was NFL level, and you could see most of those guys were running on empty by the third quarter – which is what made the incredible athletic display of the 4th quarter all the more impressive. Champions are made when the tank is on “E,” when guys find just one more play, just one more burst, and multiple champions were made last night. Deshaun Watson, Mike Williams, Wayne Gallman, Hunter Renfrow, Dabo Swinney and Ben Boulware for his postgame “I don’t kill zombies to survive, I kill zombies because I LOVE IT” level interview, all took their respective games to another level after Alabama punched them in the mouth early and appeared poised to run away with the title. It’s that type of transcendent effort that separates the good from the great, and the great from the Champions. What we saw last night was championship level, all the way around, and I am grateful for having been able to watch.

Look, if you don’t like sports that’s OK, but you’re missing out on some fantastic, unscripted human drama. Congratulations Clemson, it’s Awards Season and you’ve won a great one.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – NoL! It’s GambliChristmas!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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We’ve reached the end of another week, and we’ve also reached the end of waiting for Christmas my naughty and nice friends! OK, I have no nice friends. We’re all on the Naughty List. In fact, we’re most likely the ones labeled “Ringleaders” on that list. That’s OK, as Billy Joel once said I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the Saints. To that end, let’s talk some gambling!

See, Here’s The Thing; It’s a Christmas visit from Gamblicus, everyone! He doesn’t come down your chimney though, he just barges in the front door, demands bourbon, and in return gives you the greatest sports gambling tips this side of a manger. So let’s get to it! I predict Navy puts up 50+ in their game against Louisiana Tech. I predict Troy and Ohio will play one of the Top 3 most exciting Dollar General Bowls of all time, as far as you or anyone else knows or cares to research. I predict you’ll watch the Aloha Bowl, gaze wistful upon the sunshine, and start planning a family trip to Hawaii that will never materialize. I predict the Dolphins lose to Buffalo, muddying the AFC Playoff picture and giving Rex Ryan an excellent excuse to be obnoxious at his press conference. I predict the upset of the week comes in Chicago. I predict that at 0-14, this Browns season has me missing DirecTV’s Super Creepy Rob Lowe commercials. I predict road wins for the Chargers, Titans, Colts, 49ers and Bengals. I predict double digits wins for the Cowboys, Chiefs, Steelers, Seahawks and Saints. I also predict a double digit win for the Patriots, but only because a triple digit win seems slightly unrealistic. Slightly. I predict Cam Newton will literally be hit on the head with a sledgehammer during game play, but after further review, no targeting penalty will be called. I predict it will be cold in Green Bay, but the announcers won’t mention it, because they rarely do. Right? Finally, I predict that unwrapping a locked up #1 overall pick will be the best thing Cleveland experiences this entire season.

Look, I don’t care how many wise men there are, Gamblicus is the wisest of all. So go win yourself some gold and frankincense. Oh, and Happy Holidays to each and every one of you.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Zuzu’s Petals

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Today is the Winter Solstice, officially the shortest day of the year. Which is good for me, because it means technically I’ll waste less daylight messing around and attempting to work the word “fartknocker” into an NFL Playoff analysis. (It’d be easier if the Jets were still alive) At any rate, it means that from here on out, the days get longer and things get brighter.

See, Here’s The Thing; As a sports fan, we always want to believe that the future is brighter, that better things are coming, that free pizza and Jell-o shots are on the way. Of course, for those of us who root for the Browns or the 76ers or the Washington Generals, seeing things getting better is easy, because outside of the team plane being hijacked or an alien bursting from our chest while we reach for the nachos, it can’t get worse. can it? (You know what, if it can, don’t tell me) The essence of sports fandom is believing that the best is yet to come, that our favorite team is improving, that they can make that miracle run through the playoffs and hoist that championship trophy. Sometimes, for teams like the Cleveland Cavaliers and Chicago Cubs, it’s a long, tortuous slog that ends up in an indescribable pile of glory. Other times, for teams like the Cleveland Browns and the Philadelphia 76ers it’s a long, tortuous slog that ends up in an indescribable pile of torture and slogging, not to mention curse words that heretofore did not exist. We HAVE to hold onto our optimism, or we end up in a George Bailey spiral of anger and self-loathing. Whether it’s a player returning from injury, or a super high draft pick on the way, or simply that the team announced that Bacon Wrapped Cronuts are coming to the concession stand starting next game, there is always a reason to stay positive. It doesn’t mean everything is rainbows an unicorns, be realistic, but much like the hours of sunlight will increase after today, we must believe that tomorrow is going to be better.

Look, be a realist all you want, but remember: Zuzu’s petals are alway there, in your pocket, in some form. Slow down and look, I promise they’re there.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – McCaffrey And Supermodels

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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OK, so everyone in SportsLand is up in arms today about Christian McCaffrey not playing in a Bowl Game to start his NFL Draft preparation. At least, I think they’re up in arms. Some of them could be up in legs, or hips, or spleens for all I know. I’m just saying they’re upset. I’m also saying that if you’re one of those who is upset, you should probably hold on tight, you wouldn’t want to fall from that great height on your high horse.

See, Here’s The Thing; I fully support these guys right to not risk their careers in what is ultimately one last money grab of their names and abilities by the NCAA. I’m not one who says “Pay all of these players!” because I believe that a college education s more than a fair trade for their abilities, and I sincerely wish that when i was in college, there had been scholarships available for people really good at eating breakfast for dinner, or quoting lines from “Cheers.” However, I’ve always said that when a team EARNS something extra such as a bowl game, the players should receive some form of percentage of that payment, because that’s above and beyond the agreed upon education-for-ability exchange. Similarly, the players who become stars should receive a portion of any jersey/merchandise sales with their names/number/likeness on them. That’s something not every player on the roster earns – in America, hard work and success = better pay, better opportunities and most importantly a far more attractive wife or husband. Which brings us back to McCaffrey, whose hard work and dedication has led him to the opportunity to earn millions of dollars at the next level, as well as dates with celebrity actresses and supermodels. Would YOU risk a shot with Kate Beckinsale, Eva Mendes or Tyra Banks for The Sun Bowl? You would? Seriously? You’re freaking nuts! I’ve kind of lost my train of thought here by thinking about supermodels, but my point is this: whether you agree with their decision or not, these guys “owe” nothing to anyone but themselves and their families.

Look, I love watching these guys play too, but I’m not about to put my viewing pleasure above their life choices. I allow no one to dictate to me what’s best for my family, and I’d never do the same to them.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Gamblicus Is Santa

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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If everybody’s working for the weekend, well then everybody’s made it, because the weekend is here! (Also, you should negotiate a pay raise) Yes, I do know that’s an ancient song reference. No, I don’t care. Hey, do you want to stand here and quibble over whether I’m “old” or “really old,” or do you want Gamblicus to give you the best gambling tips in this and most of the other galaxies?

See, Here’s The Thing; It’s Mortal Lock Friday, which means our old friend Gamblicus will pop his head out and see if we’re going to get six more weeks of winter. No wait, that’s not Gamblicus. I apologize, that’s Bill Murray. Anyway, why don’t we take a look and see who’s going to win what in the world of sports this weekend? I predict the number of shirtless guys and guys dressed as Santa in the stands in Buffalo will be greater than the number of points scored between the Bills and Browns. I predict the hype about Matt Moore and his “gunslinger” mentality heads to new York and suffers the same fate as most gunslingers in The Old West: shot in the back while sitting in the outhouse. I predict that those who are upset with LeBron James resting for a game in December are those who have taken multiple days off this year for great reasons like “I just can’t even” and “How can I be expected to work when Chloe’s life is in turmoil?” I predict Draymond Green kicks a guy in the nuts. (OK, that one is a gimme) I predict a major free agent baseball signing in Cleveland. I predict the upset of the week comes from the Not For Much Longer San Diego Chargers. I predict the Panthers, Saints, Bengals and Colts keep their flickering playoff hopes alive. I predict a road win for the Patriots, a home loss for the Texans, a growing “What if Matt Barkley is the guy at quarterback” movement in BearsTwitter, and a complete and utter annihilation of two dozen bacon-wrapped chicken wings on my couch. That’s right, Daddy’s home.

Look, if Gamblicus had ever been wrong there might be cause for hesitation, but as sure as it’s the weekend, he’s right. Go forth and gamble, degenerates!

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Picking Out A Thermos For You

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Well hello there neighbor! Won’t you come in and watch while I change my sweater and my shoes? No. No, that would be creepy wouldn’t it? How was that a show for children? I’m musing about things from my childhood, because I noticed that 37 years ago today, The Jerk was released into theaters. It was 1979, Steve Martin was already my idol, and the sports world was a turnin’-round.

See, Here’s The Thing; Today is going to be a look into the WayBack Machine. I know the young ‘uns out there don’t want to listen to a middle aged guy go on and on about things that happened before cellphones and the internet and cellphoneone & internet porn, but when you get your own radio spot, you do what YOU want. 1979 was a seminal year for me, both in terms of what would eventually become a career in comedy, and in my sports fandom. The Cleveland Browns were 1 year away from the magical Kardiac Kids season, and in ’79 were showing signs of what was to come with Brian Sipe, a couple of Pruitts and Dave Logan. The Pittsburgh Steelers were winning Super Bowls, and my Dad was helping me towards a deeper understand of hatred for that team, by teaching me curse words that to this day I’ve never heard anywhere else. The ’79 Pirates were proving that being a Family can bring you a World Series Title, especially if Willie Stargell is the Dad and he defies Father Time. In 1979 the Canadiens were winning the last of four consecutive Stanley Cups, and we were about to see the era of the Islanders approach. In 1979 Alabama was winning the National Championship … OK, so not everything is different. In ’79 we saw the deaths of Thurman Munson, Darla and Mr Ed, plus the births of Ladanian Tomlinson, Ron Artest and Pink. Most importantly, I saw the birth of my understand that to be funny, no linear system has to be followed. Non-sequiturs and outright silliness can be hilarious if done properly, and I learned that by seeing The Jerk.

Look, I don’t need you to understand. All I need is this paddle game and this remote control and this chair, and that’s all I need. Unless you want to trade it for a thermos.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – 2017 MLB Season Is Already Over. Go Home.

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Greetings and salutation to both the showerers and non-showerers out there in radioland. Much like the house in Poltergeist, all are welcome. Today we will discuss sports fans and media handing out championships months too early based on little to no evidence, and why you don’t have to wait until the end of the season to know that I’m 100% right and anyone who disagrees is a big, dumb doofus.

See, Here’s The Thing; It’s December, and sports media has teamed up with the Twitterverse to decide that the Red Sox will win the 2017 World Series. I mean, if the media says it, it must be true, right? So why even play the season? Let’s just hand out the hardware and save everyone a lot of time, injuries and wildly expensive stadium nachos! Well, that sounds solid except for one thing: teams that win December don’t necessarily win championships. Every year we go through this exercise of declaring baseball teams champs because they signed some high priced free agents or made some giant trade. Every May it looks great. Every June we start to question it. Every September we make fun of them for wasting their time. Then the next December we start the process all over again! Hooray for the definition of insanity! Don’t get me wrong, the trade for Sale was a solid move for Boston and on paper should help them tremendously – heck, he could end up winning Game 7 for them. All I’m saying is that as far as I know, the vast majority of Major League Baseball game aren’t played on paper. (Some are, mostly the ones in Canada, but those only count as 78% of an American game anyway, so…) There will be other moves made this week/.There will be injuries and off years and surprise stars we can’t possibly know about yet. There will be streakers on the field and fat guys in front of us at the concession stand who somehow take the last of the Dodger Dogs, forcing us into the previously mentioned overpriced nachos. Can we wait for that to declare a champion? Please?

Look, I like the offseason as much as the next guy – more than him, if the next guy is really into musical theater – but it’s only a starting point. Folks, when I am the calm voice of reason, we know this stuff has gotten WAY out of hand.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – December NFL Fans: Draft Nuts Group >>> Playoffs Group

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Good morning, fellow wanderers. As the NFL season rounds the quarter pole and heads into the home stretch, the screaming and emotion that you associate with racing fans as the horses thunder towards the finish line is exactly what you can find in football fans, in real life and especially across the internet. However, the excitement is divided among two very distinct groups of December fans: The Playoffs Group, and the folks we’ll discuss today: The Draft Nuts group.

 
See, Here’s The Thing; You watch the NFL in a completely different manner once your team is out of it, and there’s no fooling anyone about being in the playoff hunt anymore. Now, while most of us knew our team was out of it everywhere but on paper all the way back to October 3rd, there are some that are just now coming around, and to them I say “Welcome to the gritty side of the tracks.” This is the side of NFL December that Patriot fans know nothing about. The side where we look each week to see who needs to lose. The side where we know more about the Strength Of Schedule tiebreaker than we do about what our kids want for Christmas or any of their friends’ names, especially that weird one with the purple streaks in her hair. The side where we can’t actually bring ourselves to root for our team to lose, but we’re not exactly crushed when it happens, either. The side where short term pain is endured for the potential of long term gain in the form of draft prospects who are all obviously the next Tom Brady … if we get them. (If they go to another team, they’re overrated busts) We in the Draft Nuts group feel sorry for you Playoff group fans, because all you have to root for is wins. We get to root for so many variables, and watch so many games with a purpose, that it makes your head swim to the point where excess drinking is not only acceptable but encouraged. Who’s the winner NOW?

Look, you can have your playoffs. I just know that the Rams-Falcons game effects the Browns in more ways than you can imagine, and that’s not crazy at all. Hey Draft Nuts Group – who has more fun than us, huh?

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – The CFP: No Number Stops The Arguing

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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We’re back, ladies and breath mints. Well, actually we never left. We just weren’t together the past few days. I mean, I guess some of you could have left. I don’t know, I wasn’t with you. What were we talking about? Whatever it was, let’s discuss the College Football Playoff, and by “discuss” I of course mean “yell and shout and call each other names that would embarrass our mothers.”

See, Here’s The Thing; So it’s Alabama, Clemson, Ohio State and Washington. No more arguing, no more debating, it’s done … and if you believe the “no more arguing” part, I’d like to tell you about my latest can’t miss Multi-Level Marketing company, because you’ll believe anything! This year proves yet again that any system – ANY system – that involves voting will be stupid. Let me take it a step further: expanding to 8 teams (which I favor, by the way) will only INCREASE the “who should be in” arguing, not eliminate it like some are suggesting. There are several reasons: 1 – The difference between #4 and #5/6 is usually more defined than the difference between #8 and #9 or even #12-14; the top 4 teams are close to perfect in their record, but by the time you get to #8 you’re looking at teams with very flawed resumes, 3 or maybe even 4 losses. Look at this year, who’s #8? Wisconsin? USC? Colorado? Florida State? Oklahoma State? Louisville? Western Michigan? West Virginia? Stanford? Go ahead, tell who’s demonstrably #8 and #9 out of that group without arguing. I’ll wait… 2 – There are 64 teams in the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament, and the March arguments are legendary, so there is NO number of teams that would eliminate the debates. 3 – College Football is big business. They’ll expand when and only when the financial numbers bear it out. 4 – The Illuminati want it this way, and much like The Saviors on Walking Dead, they get what they want. You can’t argue with any of my reasoning. No wait, you can – that’s the point, as long as there’s “voting” there will ALWAYS be arguing.

Look, I don’t know what the perfect system is, but any one that includes voting or “the eyeball test” will. Be. Flawed. Doesn’t matter this year anyway, nobody’s beating ‘Bama. Go ahead: argue with me.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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