Here’s The Larry King’s Things

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Good day to you, friends and neighbors, and here’s hoping this 24 hour rotation of the planet bring you joy, laughter and artificially generated endorphins. As I write this, I’ve been away from home for two weeks, with one more to go. I realize that’s not a terribly long time, but being separated from my family always makes a little crazy. OK, craziER. Shut up, you.
See, Here’s The Thing; I’ve always been accused of being a bit weird and off-kilter, and I take it as a compliment. My Life Coaching philosophy has always been “Normal People Suck,” so I wear being called crazy like a Boy Scout Merit Badge. To that end, let’s go Larry King style today and just run off a pile of random, unconnected “crazy” thoughts on sports … and maybe a few other topics. The AP Poll in college football is a quaint relic of a bygone era that’s no longer useful or necessary, like a home phone, local TV news or Charo. Tom Brady and Drew Brees might collect an NFL paycheck and a Social Security check at the same time. BALTIMORE MARYLAND! YOU’RE ON THE AIR! The Warriors trading Klay Thompson is about as likely as me winning the Sexiest Man Alive contest … or coming in third … or receiving a single vote. Episodes and Review: With Forrest MacNeil are the two funniest shows on TV that you’re probably not watching. FLAGSTAFF ARIZONA! YOU’RE ON THE AIR! Overcooked yellow squash has the same gooey consistency as undercooked bread pudding, both of which I hate like Hitler. The Browns have the worst record in the NFL, but are not the worst team. This may be the first MLB offseason where owners actually stick to their claim they won’t spend like newly divorced guys in Vegas. People protesting to overturn the results of a democratic election are incredibly stupid. People painting swastikas on things and telling immigrants & minorities to “get out” are even stupider. My current Top 4 is Alabama, Ohio State, Louisville and Clemson, and at least two are in serious danger of missing the playoff. How’s THAT for crazy?

Look, you may not agree with what I’ve said today, and that’s OK. It just means you’re normal. Now, refer back to what I said about normal people, then ponder if you want to change your mind. VALENCIA CALIFORNIA! YOU’RE ON THE AIR!

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Not From Cleveland? You Can’t Understand. (And That’s Good)

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – One Bad Call And Indiana Jones

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – KD Is Staying In OKC

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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So the NBA Free Agency period is just around the corner, pallies, so lets take a look at the biggest name and where he might end up. I should preface this entire episode by stating for the record that my official position remains “The Cavs Are The Champs, So I Don’t Give A Crap,” but let’s go through this exercise anyway, shall we?
See, Here’s The Thing; There’s one big name free agent every year, and this year it’s Kevin Durant. Let me just say, Durant is going nowhere and I can give you five reasons why: Money, Money, Money, Money and (oddly enough) Polar Donuts in Oklahoma City (locals know it). The difference in cold, hard cash that can flow to the Durant estate by signing a one year deal in OKC and then a long term hometown deal next year when the salary cap explodes makes it a virtual certainty that KD will continue to gear up in the Land Rush. He also came within a game of the Finals in a series they should have won (and would have had Draymond been suspended like he should have), so there’s no competitive reason to leave either, unless he’s convinced that he could team with a resurgent Derrick Rose, Melo and Porzingis to give King James and the defending champs a run in the east, and really – are we buying that the Knicks luck could ever run that good? Remembering back to when “Kevin Durant or Greg Oden?” was a thing is a fun exercise in seeing how silly we all are pre-draft in any sport, but take a lesson from that and apply it to “Championship Contender In The West or Possible FEMA Disaster In The East?” Yes, he could go to Golden State as well, but are the Warriors really willing to retool their entire roster? I don’t know, if I were them I wouldn’t, and if I were Durant I wouldn’t either, because I don’t believe it’s that’s much of an upgrade over his current situation, and the pressure to deliver multiple titles if he went to The Bay would be soul-crushing. Stay put. Win. Endorse cowboy boots for millions.

Look, anything can happen and I’m certainly no expert, but when there are literally tens of millions of dollars worth of difference between staying and leaving, my money is on the money being the deciding factor. Kevin Durant stays in Oklahoma. Also, The Cavs Are The Champs, And I Don’t Give A Crap.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – NBA Finals: Pop Quiz

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Mortal Lock Friday Comes Early For The NBA Finals

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Cavs Vs Warriors: They’re Heeeeeere

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – The Return Of Gamblicus For Mortal Lock Friday

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Cavs, Cubs And Angry Wives: Comforting

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – God Loves Changing Your Plans (And Armpit Farts)

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – The Spurs Last Ride?

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Steph Curry Is Inhuman And You’re Not

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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