Here’s The Thing – Mortal Lock Friday

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Well hello there, friends and inmates! The weekend is upon us, which means it’s time once again for me to channel the powers of prognostication handed down to me through the generations from my ancestor Gamblicus, personal sports handicapper to the Pharaohs. That’s right degenerates and degenerettes, it’s time once again for Mortal Lock Friday. [Read more…]

Here’s The Thing – Hellmuth, MadBum & Puig: Guys Are Guys

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Madison Bumgarner and Yasiel Puig nearly came to blows the other night, as the Major League Baseball playoff races hurtle towards their conclusion. In a world where technology and social custom seemingly change with breakneck speed, it’s nice to know there are some things you can count on to never change: Namely, that some men will always solve their issues with each other in a testosterone fueled haze.

See, Here’s The Thing; Guys are guys, and nothing is ever going to change that. Now, we have taken huge strides forward over thousands of years of social evolution. For example, there are relatively few public stonings anymore, and most of us wear pants 60-80% of the time. However, at our core a guy will always be a guy. For guys, this means that no matter what we do for a living and no matter who we are, on some level each of us finds great joy every time we meet another guy that we’re pretty sure we could beat up. (Before you get all high and mighty ladies, a gal will always be a gal, too – which means that on some level, every woman finds great joy every time they meet another woman with tacky shoes or chunky thighs) All of the social conditioning in the world can’t change who any of us are on a molecular level, and when you’re talking about professional athletes, who earn their living by physically defeating the guy across from them, the molecular level has a much higher concentration of “HULK SMASH!” I’m not condoning starting a fistfight with the phrase “Don’t look at me,” I’m simply saying there’s a little bit of “Don’t look at me” and “What are you going to do about, bitch” in all of us. Admit it, there’s a part of you that likes watching it, too. A part of you that hearkens back to the Gladiator days. There’s a reason “Crushing Hits Of The NFL” videos outsell “Two Nice Dudes Shaking Hands” videos, and we love watching Phil Hellmuth scream at the poker table or seeing old clips of Jack Tatum almost decapitating wide receivers: it’s because we’re guys.

Look, MadBum and Puig are never going to like each other, and we’re all going hope they meet again in the playoffs. Admit it, you’ll watch, and part of you will love it. Pants or no pants.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Bama, Buckeyes … And That’s It

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
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I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Another weekend of football is in the books, so let’s discuss what we’ve learned, as we sit in our underoos, covered in barbecue sauce, amongst the leftover chicken wings. I’m kidding, of course – if there are ANY leftover chicken wings, you’re doing football watching wrong, should be forced to order the most unmanly “sweet onion chicken teriyaki” flavor of wings that exists and wash them down with girly looking purple drinks served in a plastic coconut, and most importantly are disqualified from ever being my friend. [Read more…]

Here’s The Thing – Welcome Back, Football

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Almost!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – #BrownsDailyMockDraftExperiment. Appropriate?

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Follow THAT, NFL!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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A World Of Pure College Football Imagination (Mortal Lock Friday)

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – College Football Is Back, Fatty!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – I Hate Mondays (Mortal Lock Friday Review)

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – All-American Gordon Gekko (Mortal Lock Friday)

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Football Got NEXT!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

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