Pop Quiz: NFL Free Agency

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

The first week and a half of the NFL Free Agency period has been a pretty crazy time, with deals coming fast and furious for defensive backs and edge rushers, while veteran quarterbacks and running backs sit waiting for the phone to ring like Brendan Fraser.

You may have missed some of the big events, so here’s a handy pop quiz to see how much you’ve been paying attention to the NFL’s annual big human garage sale.

1 – This season’s free agency period is a good time to be an NFL…
A) Safety
B) Offensive lineman
C) Lawyer

2 – The market for running backs is similar to the market for…
A) Interior defensive linemen
B) Kickers
C) Bags of used dirt

3 – Eddie Lacy weighed 267 pounds when he signed with Seattle, making him…
A) A two-down back
B) A power back for goal line situations
C) “Feast Mode”

4 –  The best deal a running back has pulled down so far is Kyle Juszczyk, who is…
A) Someone you’ve never heard of
B) A bad investment by a first-time GM
C) All of the above

5 – Adrian Peterson’s dad’s comments about the Minnesota Vikings offensive line were…
A) A bad idea
B) Spot-on
C) Not the biggest thing working against a new contract for AD

6 – The Dallas Cowboys didn’t expect…
A) To have so many problems unloading Tony Romo
B) To lose two cornerbacks in fifteen minutes
C) For Ezekiel Elliott to get all “Girls Gone Wild”

7 – Next year, Tony Romo will be…
A) A Texan
B) A Bronco
C) Injured by Thanksgiving, regardless of job location

8 – The Kirk Cousins situation in Washington is a fascinating example of…
A) Free agency problems
B) How teams use the franchise tag
C) Hostage negotiation gone horribly wrong

9 – The Chicago Bears signed Mike Glennon for fifteen million dollars a year.
A) What?
B) Who?
C) Why?

10 – The New England Patriots appear to be…
A) Reevaluating other players
B) Ignoring most free agents
C) Shopping for groceries out of other teams’ carts

11 – Robert Griffin III still has value as…
A) A veteran backup quarterback
B) A spot-starter
C) An organ donor

Scoring: Give yourself one point for every “A,” two for every “B,” and seventy-three points for every “C” answer. Total your points up and realize no matter how many you have, it’s still not enough to get Jimmy Garoppolo away from the Patriots.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s second book, “I Hate It Here: A Love Story,” is out now on Amazon.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

What We Know In The NFC Championship Round

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

And then there were four.

After a really good weekend of Divisional games, we’re down to the Championship Round for the NFL. There’s only three games left in the season, so what have we learned so far?

Well first, this is a great time for quarterbacks. We’ve got an amazing final four. I know it’s shallow to say that because it doesn’t show enough appreciation for the defenses, backs, line play, etcetera, but come on. We’ve got the best four quarterbacks in the league all still standing.

And while we’re at it, this year shows there’s no price too big to pay to get your franchise quarterback. Look at the four remaining teams and you’ll see three Super Bowl winners and a guy who’ll probably be the MVP. Look at the bottom of the league and you’ll see teams who desperately need quarterbacks, and they try and they fail about every other year. Look at Houston hurling millions at a guy they had never worked out, just in hopes he’d be the best quarterback the Texans have ever had, which is to say he’d be slightly better than average. The Jets had four quarterbacks on the roster this year, and might do four different ones next year until something sticks. If you have a Pro Bowl guy taking the snaps, you’ve always got a chance. And if not? Forget it.

The only thing more important than quarterback might be the overall philosophy of these teams. The organization is all on the same page, from owner to coach to assistants to scouts to popcorn vendors. There’s a long-term buy-in there from three of them, and Atlanta is well on their way too. The teams still playing are, for the most part, always there. Their team philosophy is well understood, and has been for quite some time.

Basically if you can imagine the team name fitting into the sentence “The (Blank) Way,” they know what they’re doing. The Patriots Way. The Packers Way.

Ever try it with a bad team? Can you define “the Jaguars Way” without stammering for a moment and then just letting your voice trail off?

Speaking of locker rooms and attitudes, just a reminder, kids. Post-game complaints are whiny. They put the “loser” in “sore loser.” Travis Kelce blamed the Chiefs loss on a holding penalty, and called out a referee who’s going to be working the Super Bowl. Kelce also committed one of the dumbest after-the-play penalties I’ve ever seen in the playoffs, and plays in an offense that couldn’t make a two-point conversion from the twelve if you gave them six downs to do it. So calling out the ref for a fairly obvious penalty is a pretty weak argument.

And please, that “you never played the game so you can’t criticize me” argument is beyond lame. The NFL is a public entity, it’s not a secret society. The reason these players can buy houses and cars and mistresses is because people who never played the game at the highest level are willing to shell out thousands of dollars for seats, shirts, jerseys, socks, caskets, and anything else the NFL is willing to slap a logo on. If that means you have to answer questions once in a while from a guy who went to college and actually went to class, then that’s a small price to pay for league minimum wage.

And finally, we learned bad teams are willing to take some chances. We saw no major retreads in the coaching hires, and lots of (sometimes very) young, hungry assistant coaches working their way up the food chain, earning one of those thirty-two gigs.

Of course, the success rate on those young coaches is somewhere around thirty percent, but one of them could be the next Bill Belichick, just as soon as they get fired from this first job and land another one.

On to the picks for Sunday. I was 1-3 last week, and also 1-3 against the spread, which makes me 5-3 straight up, and 4-4 against the spread in the playoffs. I’ll need to get lucky this week to stay on the sunny side of the street.

Here’s the picks for Championship Sunday. Remember, these are for the purposes of discussion only. As always, no wagering.

Green Bay (+5.5) at Atlanta: This game might come down to two or three defensive plays, quite possibly because those are the only plays made defensively in this entire game. Aaron Rodgers may be the most exciting quarterback in decades, but magic runs out in Green Bay eventually. Or at least Don Majkowski did.
Pick: Falcons to win and cover, which means I think they’ll win by six.

Pittsburgh (+6) at New England: I don’t know what the big deal was about Antonio Brown’s live video from the locker room. That’s pretty much what everyone outside of the immediate Boston area calls the Patriots.
Pick: Patriots to win, but Steelers with the points, which means I think the Steelers will lose by five or less.

I’ll also admit here that I’m hoping for the exact opposite of those results, but you root with your heart and bet with your head. I’ll be back next week to talk about the exquisite ridiculousness of the Super Bowl, but until then, good luck, everybody.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s second book, “I Hate It Here: A Love Story,” is out now on Amazon.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

The Black Monday That Wasn’t

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

The NFL is a league of quick turnarounds, and I mean that both coming and going. Half of the teams that made the playoffs last season are out this year, including both Super Bowl teams. Hello Dallas, Atlanta, and Oakland. Goodbye Denver, Carolina, and Cincinnati.

It’s a quick-trigger league for most franchises, and Black Monday is a famous part of the NFL year. The day after the regular season concludes, teams fire coaches, general managers, coordinators, and anyone else they can find to blame for their season. However this year, we didn’t even get to Black Monday. We had a whole Black December, followed by a Black Last-Sunday-of-the-regular-season where everybody got fired before Monday even arrived.

There are six coaching vacancies in the NFL, with different levels of job attractiveness.

Denver didn’t kill Gary Kubiak, but he wasn’t going to stick around and wait for that to happen. The Broncos are easily the best job opening with a world-class defense and good receivers, plus John Elway ready to go out and make deals. This one is the gold standard of opportunities, and it’s only come open because coaching football is simply not good for the nervous system.

Jacksonville is a better team than their 3-13 record, especially if reports of Blake Bortles playing through a separated shoulder is accurate, because that would explain why he stunk like a trunk full of fish in Tijuana in mid-summer. A horrible division, decent receivers, and some cornerstones on defense make this a nice fit for someone who doesn’t mind spending time overseas.

The Rams canned Jeff Fisher because, well, he was Jeff Fisher, and now it seems like they’re trying to make a love connection with Saints coach Sean Payton. The Chargers also fired Mike McCoy, mostly so they can use his salary to buy boxes and packing tape. These two franchises certainly seem like they’ll be tied together in LA, because if the Chargers move as expected, they’ll be competing for the same audience. And that’s an audience that’s already shown they won’t support two teams, or even just one bad team. You only have to look at the Lakers and Clippers to realize that. Both teams need to bring in a big name as head coach to stay relevant. I’d rather have the Chargers right now than the Rams, but both are rebuilding efforts with some nice pieces in place.

The Bills fired all the Ryan brothers they could find, mostly because management felt they didn’t get enough wins out of their “talent.” If you’ve ever watched a football game in your life, please do me a favor and tell me where that supposed “ten-win season” was supposed to come from, based on Buffalo’s roster full of hot garbage. The Bills got eight starts from their last four years worth of first-round draft picks, and no one seems to understand the chain of command in Buffalo. It’s been since 1999 the Bills made the playoffs, and things may be as bad now as they’ve ever been.

But it could be worse. The 49ers made it two straight years with the firing of a first-year coach, by canning Chip Kelly and general manager Trent Baalke. Their list of coaching possibilities is simply a post-it note with the word “Anybody” on it. Four head coaches in four years, and a roster that undermines the word “awful.” No quarterback. No receivers. No run defense. No hope. Somehow they were in a Super Bowl four years ago, and now they’re a clown autopsy. Good luck to whoever takes over in San Fran. And whoever takes over after that, too.

On to the picks. Last week I went 5-3, and 4-4 against the Las Vegas spread. I finish the regular season with a record of 69-40-1 straight up, and 44-62-3 against the spread. Just for the purposes of discussion, if I had wagered a hundred bucks on every one of those games this season, this morning I would be more than two thousand dollars in the hole, and living in a dumpster. That’s why the best advice you can give to anyone considering a career in gambling is just to walk into a casino and look around. Those casinos look like they cost a lot of money, right? Exactly.

Here’s the picks for the first half of Wild Card weekend. Remember, these are for the purposes of discussion only. As always, no wagering.

Oakland (+4) at Houston: If there’s a better argument against an 18-game season than this playoff quarterback matchup of Osweiler versus Cook, I don’t know what it is. Perhaps if a team had to start Brandon Weeden in a Super Bowl.
Pick: Texans to win and cover, which means I think they’ll win by five or more.

Detroit (+7.5) at Seattle: Richard Sherman used the media to announce he was boycotting the media. I saw full coverage of that on ESPN-I, the sports irony channel.
Pick: Seahawks to win and cover.

I’ll also Alabama to win and cover against Clemson at –6.5, Myles Garrett to be the first pick in the draft, and the Jets to draft four more quarterbacks. Good luck, everybody.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s second book, “I Hate It Here: A Love Story,” is out now on Amazon.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

The Not-So-Silence of the Rams

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Cordinator

We had reached week fourteen in the NFL, and no coach had been fired so far. It was such an anomaly, I almost wrote about it in this space last Sunday. As bad as it’s been in places like Buffalo and Jacksonville, no one had pulled the trigger yet and it looked like everyone would be safe until Black Monday.

I should have known better.

The Rams fired Jeff Fisher Monday, one day after he tied Dan Reeves for the all-time lead in losses for head coaches.

You might think that would be either a sign of mercy, or of utmost frustration. You’d be right either way.

Since the Rams lost Sunday to the Falcons, then had to turn around and get Gilmered by the Seahawks three days later, you’d also would think seventy-two hours notice wouldn’t be the best time to dump your head coach, but that’s part of the magic of Jeff Fisher.

The NFL waited more than twenty years to bring a franchise back to Los Angeles, but Thursday’s pummeling was another night where most of LA didn’t bother to watch. Let’s face it, there’s other things to do in Los Angeles. There’s movies, shows, restaurants, the beach, and complaining about the Lakers to do, they don’t need the Rams. And for that matter, they don’t need a barely-adequate Chargers team, either, unless they’re going to combine both teams and make one good one. In the land of casual plastic surgery, LA would at least respect that.

I’m a little bit depressed about it, to be honest. I had about six Jeff Fisher jokes I was saving for the rest of the season. Learn from my mistakes, kids. Never save your best material.

So the Rams are the first team to drop their head coach, I’ll put the over/under at three additional coaches fired by the time Black Monday is done. And while discussing other people’s employment seems to be a morbid thing, that’s life in the NFL. It’s also life in television, as I remember from trips to Walmart when I couldn’t get through the checkout line without someone asking me about my TV news colleagues and if they had been fired. I’m certainly not going to feel bad about it at this point in my life.

On to the picks. Last week I went 3-3, and also 3-3 against the Las Vegas spread. I always enjoy being as accurate as a coin. For the season I’m now 57-32-1 straight up, and 36-50-3 against the spread.

Here’s the picks for week fifteen.  Remember, these are for the purposes of discussion only. As always, no wagering. And since last week, I was right at coin-flip level, I’m also going to flip a coin and see if I can beat that.

Detroit (+4) at NY Giants: Odell Beckham Jr. is making a living dropping easy passes and then turning around to make amazing plays. If he was a rapper, he’d have to pay Terrell Owens for sampling his career.
Pick: Lions to win it outright.
The coin says: Go with the Lions.

Jacksonville (+5.5) at Houston: The AFC South championship is basically a door prize, all you have to do to win is be present. And not be Jacksonville.
Pick: Texans to win and cover, which means I think they’ll win by six or more.
The coin says: Take the Jaguars. My coin may have been drinking, it seems.

Tampa Bay (+7) at Dallas: The number one reason to let Tony Romo go this offseason was the talk this week about whether or not Dak Prescott should be benched. Keeping Romo is like getting married, but letting your long-time girlfriend keep living in the guest room. Bad ideas abound.
Pick: Cowboys to win, Buccaneers to cover, which means I think Tampa Bay will lose by less than seven points.
The coin says: Cowboys.

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at Cincinnati: The two trademarks of this rivalry are cheap shots by Vontaze Burfict and an injury to Le’Veon Bell. And at this point, Steelers fans are rooting against those, but Bengals fans are still hoping for both,
Pick: Steelers to win and cover.
The coin says: Bengals.

Green Bay (-6) at Chicago: My rule is, if Matt Barkley can make people forget about you, then you weren’t very memorable to begin with. And this rule applies to pro football, college football, and life in general.
Pick: Packers to win and cover.
The coin says: Packers. My coin likes Aaron Rodgers as both a quarterback and a commercial spokesman.

Cleveland (+10) at Buffalo: Marcell Dareus guaranteed a win for the Bills over the winless Browns this week. That’s not exactly Jimmy Johnson putting it in “three-inch headlines” the Cowboys would beat the 49ers, is it? That’s more like promising to not trip on a speedbump on the way into Target.
Pick: Bills to win, Browns to cover the spread.
The coin says: Browns.

I’ll also take Western Kentucky over Memphis in the Boca Raton Bowl, Tulsa over Central Michigan in the Miami Beach Bowl, and none of those teams to want to go home after spending a week in Florida in December. Good luck, everybody.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s second book, “I Hate It Here: A Love Story,” is out now on Amazon.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

Reid’s Week Ten NFL Picks: Things I Was Wrong About

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

People are always curious about my background, and for a change, I’m not just talking about creditors. I worked in television and radio for twenty-something years, which seems to make me an expert to some people. However, unlike the vast majority of people I’ve worked with in the media, there’s something unique about me.

I’m wrong sometimes.

Yes, I know, no one in the media is ever wrong. The ESPN crowd certainly never goes back and admits when they’ve been completely off the mark, even though they have hours worth of inventory to fill every day.

Remember when Ron Jaworski said “I truly believe Colin Kaepernick could be one of the greatest quarterbacks ever?” When I have a bad day, I just cue up that sound bite and listen to it on repeat for about four hours.

Then I realize we’re all just throwing darts in the dark sometimes.

People online love to point out when I miss a game, like last week when I took Washington to cover the spread against New England. In my defense, I had fourteen points, high expectations, and a magnum of NyQuil in me but still, yes, I lost that one.

Eh, it happens. I’m still winning 65% against the spread, but you take chances sometimes. Now that we’re through with half the regular season, I can freely admit I was wrong about some things.

The Patriots. I felt certain the long offseason and the bad secondary would at least give other teams a chance. My bad, New England will remain a relentless, emotionless killing machine as long as Brady and Belichick are there.

Atlanta. They looked great early, and every bit of that good will is gone after losing to Blaine Gabbert. Every. Single. Bit.

The Bengals. I didn’t believe. And I still won’t when the playoffs roll around, but for now, their 8-0 record has won me over just in time for the toughest part of their season. And by the way, they should really only be 7-0, wins over the Browns should just count for half a game.

Eddie Lacy. I’m speaking mostly in terms of fantasy football here, although Packers fans will agree with me in all realms. He’s not running strong, and he can’t hold on to the ball. He’s turning into Peyton Hillis.

Kansas City. Hoo-BOY, was I wrong here. Remember when I picked them to win the AFC? I wish you wouldn’t. Injuries have closed the door, and just slammed it on Jamaal Charles’ knee.

The Lions. Every year there’s one good team that just falls apart like the final season of “Revenge.” Looks like the Lions reached their “Sell By” date last January.

Back to my regularly scheduled picks. I was 4-2 again in week nine, although I had to go to overtime to win two of those. There’s nothing like adding stress to a regular season game by factoring in overtime and point spreads, but it worked out for me after about a half hour and a bottle of Tums. I’m now 36-19-2 on the year.

Here’s my picks for week ten. Remember, these are for the purposes of discussion only. As always, no wagering.

Detroit (+11) at Green Bay – Microsoft Surface is the official tablet of the NFL. According to Aaron Rodgers, it’s also the official Frisbee.
Pick: Packers

Dallas (+1) at Tampa Bay – Dez Bryant got angry at the media this week, presumably because they can’t throw him the ball, either.
Pick: Buccaneers

New Orleans (NL) at Washington – It wouldn’t surprise me to see Washington using Robert Griffin III to run the First Down marker for home games, just to get some kind of value out of him.
Pick: Saints

Miami (+6) at Philadelphia – It’s been a long road for Chip Kelly, but he’s finally got his Eagles all the way to mediocre.
Pick: Dolphins

New England (-7.5) at NY Giants – These games are famous Super Bowl matchups when the Patriots are at the top of the league, and the Giants are average and lucky to be a playoff team. So this could be a dress rehearsal for SB50, that’s all I’m saying.
Pick: Patriots

Minnesota (+3) at Oakland – That play on Teddy Bridgewater? I’ve seen cleaner hits delivered at Wrestlemania with a steel chair while the ref was distracted.
Pick: Vikings

I’ll also take the Cardinals to end the Seahawk Dynasty, Landry Jones to win again, and the NFL’s “Color Rush” initiative to be a huge failure, because it reminds me of the Tudor Electric Football set with the generic teams I got when I was a kid.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s novel “The Great Texas Trailer Park Escape” is available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

Reid’s Week Five NFL Picks: Make The Right Call

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

The Cowboys have a much-needed bye week, which gives them time to switch from the older backup quarterback who only throws short passes to the younger one who couldn’t stay on the roster in Buffalo. At this point, it’s like changing the oil in a car with four flat tires, but whatever works, I suppose.

With no Cowboys game to dread, that gives me a moment to catch up on the big story of the year so far. Deflategate? Quarterback injuries? Coaches getting fired after London trips?

Nope. Let’s talk about the refs, kids.

Ideally, sports officials should be perfect and invisible, but that’s not the world we live in. So far this season, officials have cost all of us wins, money, and fantasy football glory, so we’re clearly furious. Mondays on sports-talk radio seem to be an every-week feature of rants against the previous day’s bad calls.

And I don’t understand why the NFL isn’t just as angry. We’re seeing clearly blown calls at the end of games in primetime now. The NFL will take eleven minutes to review an obvious Dez Bryant catch, so finding out that the league hasn’t thought far enough in advance to make an easily-verified call challengeable just because no one ever thought of it before is…well, a bit frustrating.

It seems a shame that the NFL is still having this problem in high-profile games, although I do find it fairly hilarious that the NFL removed a ref who blew a call on a Monday night game, and reassigned him to Sunday afternoon games. You screw up on Sunday or Monday night, the world is watching. You bag a call in a Jaguars game, no one may ever notice.

Good luck with your protests, bottom third of the league.

My solution? Go through the rule book in the offseason and see what’s out there that could one day conceivably cause you to look like a doofus, and make that call reviewable. Do it now for the simple calls before you have the occasion to fail at a critical time. Again.

Remember, officials couldn’t even use replay to count the number of men on the field until an angry Bill Cowher stuffed a picture into a ref’s pocket. Some forward thinking would really help get the focus back on the field.

On to the picks. The Thursday night game was Falcons by 3.5, which seemed like such a sucker’s bet I doubled down on it. And of course, I lost because Atlanta turned the ball over like it was buttered, and suffered their first loss of the season.

Thanks, Falcons, for reminding me who you were the last two years. Duly noted.

When something seems to good to be true, it is. That’s true in all realms, folks. Gambling, advertising, mating, whatever. Always be skeptical. I’m now 23-8-2 on the year, still well above the water line but a bit more cautious.

Here’s my picks for week six. Remember, these are for the purposes of discussion only. As always, no wagering.

Denver (-4.5) at Cleveland – We were all hoping a Texas-born quarterback would have a career year for the Browns, I just don’t think too many of us thought it would be Josh McCown.
Pick: Broncos

Cincinnati (-3.5) at Buffalo – If you were drawing up all of the ingredients for a trap game, this would have them. Coming off an emotional win against a Super Bowl team? Check. Opponent reeling with injuries? Check. One of these teams being the Bengals? Oh, you betcha.
Pick: Bengals

Kansas City (+4) at Minnesota – When I heard about the injury to Jamaal Charles, I immediately logged on to my fantasy team to drop him and pick up another running back. Then I paused for a moment to realize what a horrible person that makes me. Then I picked up Todd Gurley, and I came to grips with myself.
Pick: Vikings

Houston (+1.5) at Jacksonville – The media is trying to make a big deal out of the fact J.J. Watt is frustrated. Of course he is, he’s a Texans fan.
Pick: Jaguars

Baltimore (-2) at San Francisco – For all those of you who don’t get how fleeting success can be in the NFL, let me point out this tepid battle of 1-4 teams was a Super Bowl matchup just three seasons ago. Fans in this one might be begging the NFL to turn off the lights again.
Pick: Ravens

New England (-9.5) at Indianapolis – My good friend and gambling oracle Chris Stuckey taught me to always take a home team getting double digits, but I can’t take that advice when the Patriots are running up the score on people like they’re still trying to improve their BCS rankings.
Pick: Patriots

I’ll also take the Royals to win the AL, the Cubs to win the NL, and the new Steve Jobs movie to do better than the last one, but still not that good.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s novel “The Great Texas Trailer Park Escape” is available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

Reid’s NFL Picks: How To Know When You Know Nothing

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

The NFL season is finally here. Not the training camps, not the preseason, not the fantasy football season, but the actual season where games are played that actually matter.

Offer not valid in Oakland or Tampa Bay.

While week one is cause for great excitement, it’s also a place for overenthusiastic wagering. Week one is a mystery for point spreads. The numbers are timid because we really don’t know about most of these teams yet. We think San Francisco will be awful because…well, we have eyesight, but we can’t be sure yet so they open up as 2.5 point underdogs hosting the Vikings, because we think they’re supposed to be good. Next week, we could realize we’re all wrong and change our attitudes for week two.

In week one, I’m always a bit timid. I tend to play the unders, and I try and be as observant as possible. A couple of years ago Houston and Atlanta were trendy Super Bowl picks, and they wound up two of the worst teams in the league. There’s about a 50% turnover in playoff teams every season, and it starts here. As of Sunday, last year’s results are completely irrelevant, unless you’re looking to fire your coach or general manager. And yes, I’m looking right at you, Cleveland.

One game is in the books already and it was about as good of a season-opener as we could hope for, considering both teams put their centers on injured reserve and both starting running backs were suspended for the same instance of pot possession.

By the way, that’s got to be a league first. I don’t know if anyone keeps stats on that, but they probably shouldn’t, just for the good of society.

We learned things too. Rob Gronkowski is impossible to stop, especially when you don’t actually try and cover him. Tom Brady bears a huge grudge from the NFL trying to suspend him for that thing he definitely did. And the performance of the night came from Luke McCown, in a series of Verizon commercials.

Thursday night, I started the season with a push. For those of you who don’t understand the lingo, the Patriots were favored by seven points to beat the Steelers. That means if you take New England and they win by more than seven, you win. Less than seven, you lose. If they win by exactly seven because of a last-second, pointless, meaningless, consolation prize of a touchdown with ten seconds left…then it’s called a push. They “push” your money back to you, and you “push” yourself away from the table and go to the bathroom to cry.

You get your money back, but not the three hours of your life you spent watching the game, nor all the time you wasted counting your profits when New England was up by 18 points. So yay, I start off at 0-0-1, which absolutely has to be foreshadowing for a long long season.

Here’s my picks for week one. Remember, these are for the purposes of discussion only. As always, no wagering.

Green Bay (-7) at Chicago: I picked the Packers to win the Super Bowl. I’m not sure I could pick the Bears to win at Jenga.
Pick: Packers

Kansas City (+1) at Houston: The old football saying goes, “If you have two quarterbacks, you have none.” It really seems like the Texans franchise should be somewhere around negative-eleven quarterbacks by now.
Pick: Chiefs

Cleveland (+3) at NY Jets: The Over/Under on this game is under forty. Again I say, forty. If you watch this game, no matter who wins, you lose.
Pick: Jets

Miami (-4) at Washington: If you’re expecting me to start making fun of Washington in week one, you’re going to be disappointed. It’s a long season folks, I’ve got to pace myself.
Pick: Dolphins

New Orleans (+2.5) at Arizona: This could be a really good Arizona team if Carson Palmer stays healthy, which is like saying this will be a good cross-country trip to Disneyland if we don’t have any problems with our 1972 Dodge Dart.
Pick: Cardinals

NY Giants (+6) at Dallas: Eli Manning just got a huge new contract. That means he either believes in the long-term health of his team, or he just doesn’t want to have to move and sell his house. I’m betting the latter.
Pick: Giants

I’ll also take Marcus Mariota to have a higher QBR than Jameis Winston in their match-up, Browns/Jets to go under 39.5 points total, and that “Blindspot” show to last one season. Good luck, everybody.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s novel “The Great Texas Trailer Park Escape” is available from Amazon and Barnes and Noble.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

(This article originally appeared in the Tyler Morning Telegraph.)

Dodgin’ The Draft 2015: The Official Unofficial NFL Draft Timeline

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator 

Draft Week, Monday, April 27, 2015: ESPN announces that Philadelphia is interested in trading up to Tennessee’s number two draft pick, but since they’ve already traded away their leading rusher and starting quarterback, all they have left to offer is this year’s twentieth pick, a quarterback with no knees, and a case of mismatched Nike shirts left over from Chip Kelly’s Oregon days.

Wednesday: News breaks that the Cleveland Browns have offered Tennessee both of their first round picks, since they weren’t going to be using them anyway. [Read more…]

The Unofficial Official Super Bowl XLIX Timeline: Least Mode

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

6:35pm Sunday, January 18, 2015 – The Seattle Seahawks win the NFC Championship in a dramatic overtime game that curdles all the cheese in Wisconsin.

10:00pm – The New England game against Indianapolis effectively ends in the first quarter, sending the Patriots back to the Super Bowl in convincing manner. No controversy here, nope. Until…

Monday, January 19 – Controversy breaks out when the New England Patriots are accused of under-inflating their balls, and the country erupts in the most discussion we’ve had about air pressure since the Hindenberg disaster. [Read more…]

NFL: Super Bowl Picks, Bets and Math

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

It’s the biggest sports weekend of the year, and quite honestly my favorite time of life in general. Of course, part of that is because as soon as Super Bowl XLIX is over, Monday I’ll sink into a deep depression and not leave my house until the NFL Draft happens. Luckily, my family is used to this. They let me stay in my bedroom, and slide beef jerky and old “NFL Follies” VHS tapes under the door until I come out. [Read more…]

Reid’s NFL Picks: Road Dogs in the Divisional Playoffs

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

Before moving on to the next round, a couple of thoughts on the playoff teams who are now out. Congratulations! You’re all better than Philadelphia.

In Arizona, Bruce Arians has got to be the coach of the year. The Cardinals were using a practice squad quarterback and the worst pro punter I’ve ever seen, and still stayed in the game. I haven’t seen a postseason offense that bad since…well, Texas against Arkansas a couple of days ago. [Read more…]

Look on the Bright Side for the Other 28 MLB Teams

By Chris Patton
PSDC MLB Dude

With the Giants and Tigers playing in the World Series, 28 other teams have been ignored recently. While those teams are pretty disappointed with how their seasons went, I’m here to cheer them up. As the guys from Monty Python sang, “Always look on the bright side of life.”

So, sit back, take a drink from your glass that’s half-full and let’s look at why the teams who are currently at home should feel better about themselves. [Read more…]