Here’s The Thing – Thank You For A Great Super Bowl, Stonecutters!

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

So let’s see, what to talk about today … bowling? Cricket? Amazingly yummy kale recipes? Nah, I guess we’ll discuss that football game, The Super Bowl or whatever. I mean, bowling and cricket are boring and yummy kale recipes simply do not exist, so we might as well discuss the incredibly ridiculous Patriots comeback that may or may not prove Tom Brady is from another planet.

See, Here’s The Thing; What an amazing 4th quarter. As a football fan, there is no way you couldn’t have enjoyed that. (Well, as a football fan outside of Atlanta. For fans in Atlanta, it had to feel like a 45 minute colonoscopy from Edward Scissorhands.) I know, I know, the Patriots are Evil and they should take the field to The Star Wars Imperial March and Bill Belichick is obviously one of The Stonecutters, but for pure football entertainment, the 4th quarter was just about unmatched in Super Bowl history. The game itself was eerily reminiscent of Super Bowl 23; fairly dull for three quarters, then a flurry of activity and scoring in the final frame, culminated by a 90+ yard touchdown drive by one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game. Montana went 92 yards to beat the Bengals, Brady went 91 to send it to Overtime. I didn’t care – TRULY didn’t care and had no dog in the fight – and I was losing my mind watching what simply couldn’t happen, happen. No way does Matt Ryan lose a fumble at THAT moment, when the Patriots absolutely HAD to have a field-flipping turnover. No way do the Falcons continue to put a linebacker on James White. No way does Atlanta get pushed out of FG range after THAT catch by Julio Jones. No way does Julian Edelman catch that ball. NO WAY DOES JULIAN EDELMAN CATCH THAT BALL! (Yes, that one deserved to be repeated) No way do the Falcons continue to not blitz. Finally, after winning the overtime coin toss, NO WAY are the Patriots not scoring a touchdown. At that moment, game was ovah.

Look, I still can’t believe what I watched, and THAT is the mark of spectacular theater. The kind of incredible, breathless, mind blowing, unscripted theater that can only come from sports. Oh, and a yummy kale recipe involves replacing the kale with bacon. You’re welcome.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Super Bowl Locks With Gamblicus

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

It’s finally here, friends and inmates, the final Mortal Lock Friday before the Super Bowl! That magical Sunday when football fans gather with non-football fans to watch a game, have fun and become annoyed with the non-football fans after about 8 minutes of having to answer questions with “No, Johnny Manziel isn’t in this game,” “I don’t know why their uniforms don’t have more red in them,” and “I’m sorry no one is eating your broccoli, but I TOLD you not to bring it!”

See, Here’s The Thing; The biggest game of the year is also the last game until next fall, and that’s sad. However, Gamblicus is here to tell you exactly how to win enough money to do rich people stuff during the football break, and that’s happy and fun and drunk and naked and those are all good things. So let’s get to it! I predict Tom Brady and Matt Ryan throw for 8 touchdowns between them. I predict the over/under goes over by the third quarter. I predict I know four people who will lose money on the coin flip. I predict there will be one commercial that makes everyone cry, and one commercial that women think is gross while men laugh hysterically. I predict Taylor Gabriel will catch a 3 yard pass, and the announcers will mention that he, Alex Mack and Dion Lewis are former Cleveland Browns no less than 57 times. I predict Chris Hogan scores two touchdowns, and NO ONE mentions the teams he used to play for. I predict my chicken wing intake will rival the annual chicken wing intake of several former Eastern Bloc countries. I predict Julio Jones will be removed from existence by a Belichick scheme. I predict at least two Roughing The Passer calls cause FootballTwitter to use the phrase “Why don’t they just put these quarterbacks in a skirt?” I predict at least nine guys are referred to as “One of the most underrated in the league.” I predict the halftime show will suck, because all halftime shows suck. Finally, I predict Patriots 44, Falcons 31.

Look, this is it for football until the fall, so breathe it all in, folks. Here’s hoping you have an amazing Super Bowl party … hey, on Monday let’s talk about The Draft.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Here’s The Thing – Super Bowl Prop Bets

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman And Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

It’s Super Bowl week, friends and inmates! The one day a year when people of all races, religions and creeds gather together, clog their arteries, ruin themselves for work the next day, and most importantly root against the Patriots. It’s also the best time of year to gamble away your family’s savings, not only on the game itself but on silly, ridiculous prop bets that no sane person would risk anything on.

See, Here’s The Thing; Super Bowl Prop Bets should be renamed what they really are: the gambling version of Heisenberg Blue, for junkies who are WAY past redeemable. Since people seem to be willing to give their money away on anything, I’m going to make up some of my own prop bets this year and see how much money I can take in. Sure, everyone knows you can bet on silly things like the length of the National Anthem, the coin toss and who will score first in the game, but did you know you can also wager on whether the first play is a run or pass? Or who the MVP will mention first in his postgame interview? or what color Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach? I propose that you can now bet on whether or not the first injury of the game will be a leg, an arm or a testicle. How many cheerleaders will get run over on the sidelines, and will any of them be impregnated by Gronk? FYI, the over/under of how many chicken wings I’ll eat during the game is currently set at 312. How many people will I punch for talking the entire game and only watching the commercials? Will there be nudity during the halftime show? Will that nudity be on screen or just me at my party? The over/under on how many people at my Super Bowl party wearing Cleveland Browns gear is set at 1.5. (If you’re smart, you’ll take the under) Finally, it’s +250,000,000,000 that I will have sex the night of the Super Bowl. THAT, my friends, is what’s known in Vegas as a “Sucker Bet.”

Look, it’s your money, and Gamblicus will be here Friday to tell you exactly how to gamble it, but just remember: Prop bets are coin flips. Allocate your cash accordingly.

Find my Twitter, Facebook Fan Page, comedy schedule and buy my CD all on my website at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com. For Project Shanks, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

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Von Shining Moment: The Unofficial Official Super Bowl Fifty Timeline

Sunday, January 31, 2016 - Denver moves on to the Super Bowl in a thrilling win over New England that goes down to the final minute. Three hours later, Carolina advances with a win over Arizona so lopsided, Cam Newton plays the entire fourth quarter without a helmet, wearing a “Panthers NFC Champions” hat.

Monday, February 1, 2016 – The Panthers arrive in California, and Cam Newton’s pants trend on Twitter. And I don’t have a joke here, either. That’s actually what happened. [Read more…]

Instant Karma Comes to the NFC Playoffs

By Troy Gabaldon
PSDC Contributor

Photo Credit: AP

Photo Credit: AP

I don’t really believe in karma but if you look at what happened to every NFC team that won a playoff game this postseason the following week, you have to go hmmmm. [Read more…]

The Unofficial Official Super Bowl XLIX Timeline: Least Mode

By Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

6:35pm Sunday, January 18, 2015 - The Seattle Seahawks win the NFC Championship in a dramatic overtime game that curdles all the cheese in Wisconsin.

10:00pm - The New England game against Indianapolis effectively ends in the first quarter, sending the Patriots back to the Super Bowl in convincing manner. No controversy here, nope. Until…

Monday, January 19 - Controversy breaks out when the New England Patriots are accused of under-inflating their balls, and the country erupts in the most discussion we’ve had about air pressure since the Hindenberg disaster. [Read more…]

Super Bowl Betting: A Little Bit of History Repeating Itself

By Troy Gabaldon
PSDC Contributor

Before I begin I want to have full disclosure and let you know that I am a Seahawks fan. I am also a sports bettor but I never bet on or against any of my favorite teams. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still handicap games that my teams are playing in, especially when they are playing in the biggest game of the year. Not to mention the biggest gambling game of the year.

super-bowl-xlix

I keep reading and hearing that Vegas has made the Patriots slight favorites over the Seahawks. This is a very confusing and unclear statement. Does that mean that the odds-makers have made the Patriots slight favorites or that the betting public has made them slight favorites? Two very different things. [Read more…]

Here’s The Thing – Preparation And Execution

By Stephen Thomas (@15Stephen15)
PSDC Funnyman and Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

CLICK HERE to listen.

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

A wicked winter storm is hitting the Northeastern portion of the United States later today, and residents are hunkered down with provisions and extra batteries, in case the worst happens. There are reports that some residents near Boston are preparing for potential flooding by making walls of sandbags and deflated footballs. OK, OK, last one, I promise. The point is, people are preparing ahead of time, so they’re ready for whatever happens. [Read more…]

Sports Silly Season, Volume I

By Joe Hines
PSDC Staff & Chicago Guru

Welcome to sports silly season, aka the two-week period between NFL Championship games and the Super Bowl. There are many things to banter about, baseball, golf and the genius it takes for the head coach of the Buffalo Bills to abdicate for the Jacksonville Jaguars offensive line coaching job. [Read more…]

NFL Super Bowl Futures: A Look at Positions Mid-Season

By Melvin DeLucia
PSDC Writer

Andrew-Luck-Playoffs-1

Greetings to all and I hope that the first half of the season has been profitable to those of you that dabble in football wagering. In all honesty, I have been at about a 40 percent clip in NFL but close to 70 percent in college, so it has been a slightly profitable fall so far, but the NFL has proven to be a difficult sport to cap. I am tied for the lead in The Perfect Ten, so I take some solace in that, but this season has been much of a treadmill and hopefully the second half can be a turnaround. [Read more…]

Daily Wrap Up: May 20, 2014

By Keith Alrick
PSDC Writer

Daily Wrap Up

Super Bowl 52 to Minnesota: The craziest part of this story isn’t that Minnesota is getting the Super Bowl, it’s that this is the second time.

Vince McMahon loses $350 million in one day: The WWE Chairman saw his net worth plummet due to the failure of his new TV deal, thus proving that bad things really do happen to awful people. [Read more…]

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Daily Randomness: Super Bowl Blowout Edition

By Johnny Griffith
PSDC Director of Randomness

Random “Super Bowl Shuffle” Moment of the Day

Random “Doug Williams” Moment of the Day [Read more…]