Ezekiel Elliott Suspended 6 Games

By Darreck Kirby
Project Shanks Creative Director

After more than a year of investigating, the NFL finally issued a ruling on the Ezekiel Elliott domestic violence allegations from July of 2016. The sentence? Six games for something Elliott was never charged for, never even arrested for. Throughout the past twelve months, the waters of this case have been more than a little muddied, even at one point seeing text messages between Elliott’s ex and some of her friends suggesting she asked them to lie for her and corroborate her story. In the end, the Columbus  District Police determined there wasn’t enough evidence to move forward with charges. A short time later, claims arose again about an incident in Florida where supposedly Elliott had gotten physical with his ex in a car with other people. Once again, however, witnesses declined to corroborate the woman’s story. Florida police would also decline to charge Elliott with anything.

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David Irving Facing 4 Game Suspension for PEDs

By Lindsey Jones
Project Shanks Cowboys & Rangers Writer

David Irving is yet another Dallas Cowboys defensive player who is facing a 4 game suspension to begin a football season and I’m sure all Cowboys fans are thinking the same thing: “Another one? Really?”

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Josh Gordon Suspension Adds Confusion to NFL Punishments

By Jay Cox
PSDC Writer

Don’t give me this “I’m happy Josh Gordon got a suspension. He needs to learn you don’t get a free pass because you’re an athlete” shit. You’re correct. You don’t get a pass because you are a good athlete, you get a free pass because you are good. Plain and simple. If you are good at something, people look the other way because they want you to continue to be good at something. If this were a CEO of a company that has turned a profit for the last five years and had grown their market share you think they’d be getting fired or suspended because they smoked weed? Wrong. What the CEO would get would be a trip to a luxurious place to get “clean” from his/her “addiction” for a month. And that would be paid by the way.

Is smoking pot the downfall of our society? Probably not but that’s a different argument for a different article at a different time. What I do know is that we as fans we need to demand one of two things. Either A) better transparency on who and how the length of punishments are decided or B) that we deserve to know ahead of time what punishments will be prior to the crime of the punishments are committed. [Read more…]

The NFL Needs to Reevaluate Itself

By Justin Broyles
PSDC Writer

When I first watched the video of Ray Rice knocking out his fiancé, it made me sick. It also made me cringe because I knew even I couldn’t take a punch like that. I’m sure all of you had the same reaction and, like me, were anxiously awaiting the NFL’s response. Well they responded today and to say the least, it was not a very good decision.

Ray Rice was suspended for two games. Two measly games. He hit his fiancé with the hardest uppercut I have ever seen, was caught on camera and admitted it but only got two games. Young men are taught for years not to hit girls in any situation and if they do, they will get a stern “talking to” by dad. Consequences just get elevated when a man hits a woman. Well, except in the NFL. [Read more…]

Ryan Braun Gets Called Out by Instant Replay, Files Grievance with MLBPA

By Johnny Griffith
PSDC Director of Randomness

Okay so maybe it was not quite that dramatic, but beleaguered Brewers’ slugger did Ryan Braun return to action yesterday for the first time since being hit with a 65-game ban last season in the fallout from the Biogenesis scandal that sidelined several MLB players last season.

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Here’s The Thing 8/6/13: A-Rod And Hooch

By Stephen Thomas
PSDC Funnyman and Brad Pitt Doppelgänger

Stephen Thomas’ brand new CD “Magic Wife Dust” is now available HERE! His sports-humor commentary can be heard nationwide, weekdays on The Nick Bonsanto Show on the Sports Byline USA radio network. You can subscribe to the Here’s The Thing podcast on iTunes and/or Podbean for free.  The transcripts will appear here.

I’m Stephen Thomas with Here’s The Thing.

Thirteen players were suspended from major league baseball yesterday for use of performance enhancing drugs, and not one of those drugs was Cialis. Most of the players had the good sense to accept their punishment, but not Alex Rodriguez. A-Rod instead had his PR camp go on the offensive, which is the equivalent of me yelling at my wife for noticing that I did something wrong, like forgetting to feed the kid, or leaving my socks in the microwave. Don’t judge, my feet were cold.

See, Here’s The Thing; This “attack the accuser” attitude is symptomatic of the world as whole, NOT just sports. I think it dates back to the mid-90’s, a high level elected US official, an intern with questionable cocktail dress dry cleaning habits, and most frightening of all: James Carville. Alex Rodriguez’s course of action is so utterly stupid that he was booed by CUBS fans, a group who voluntarily roots for a team that hasn’t won since Vito Corleone was a teenager. The worst part is it’s not the first time A-Rod has been caught using PED’s, yet he’s trying to come off as the innocent business owner in an 80’s movie. The guy who had no idea this drug trafficking was going on in his company, when we all knew he was the mastermind behind it based on the fact that he had a $20 million mansion and his own lear jet despite being the owner a pet store. Unlike the authorities in those 80’s movies, who never noticed those things because they had the observational skills of kelp, Major League Baseball DID catch A-Rod – again – and just like 80’s movies villains, he’ll soon be left trying to struggle through life relying on only his family, his faith, and his $380 gazillion dollar contract, because as you know, cheaters never prosper.

Look, we as fans enable these sports cheats because we’ve applied Gordon Gekko’s “greed is good” approach a bit too liberally, but all we’ve ever asked is that when you’re caught, admit it and apologize – Americans will forgive you. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take my underwear out of the microwave before my wife gets home. I can’t get caught again.

Find me on the web at MiddleAgedMarriedGuy.com, Facebook as Comedian Stephen Thomas, or follow me on Twitter @15Stephen15.  For The Nick Bonsanto Show, I’m Stephen Thomas, and that was The Thing.

MLB Suspends Ryan Braun for the Remainder of the Season

The first domino has fallen…

Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun has been suspended without pay for the rest of the season, a 65-game ban announced Monday by Major League Baseball in what appears to be the first salvo in the league’s fight against players allegedly tied to the Biogenesis lab.

The announcement from commissioner Bud Selig said the suspension was for violations of the basic agreement and its joint drug prevention and treatment program and is effective immediately.

“As I have acknowledged in the past, I am not perfect,” Braun said in a statement released by MLB that did not specifically mention Biogenesis. “I realize now that I have made some mistakes. I am willing to accept the consequences of those actions.”

Braun is the first player suspended in the wake of baseball’s Biogenesis investigation, though the MLB release did not mention that probe. The commissioner’s office tried to suspend Braun in 2012 for a urine sample with elevated levels of testosterone, but an arbitrator ruled that a Braun’s urine sample was mishandled and Braun successfully appealed the suspension. – USA Today

Ryan Braun is an idiot. If you test positive for PEDs these days, you suck at life. MLB will catch you. It’s almost a guarantee now.

Braun from February 2012: “I would bet my life that this substance never entered my body.”

And to unequivocally deny that you used makes you look like even more of a dolt. Didn’t anyone learn from Rafael Palmeiro? Go away, Ryan Braun.