Ten Things I Sort Of Guess I Might Know About The NFL

by Reid Kerr
PSDC Offensive Coordinator

I found myself home alone this last Sunday, with a fresh set of remote batteries and no particular NFL game that struck my fancy, since the Saints-Bills game was effectively over shortly after the coin flip. I spent the day bouncing from game to game, trying to glean some kind of knowledge.

The great Peter King has a regular bit he does called “Ten Things I Think I Think.” I’m not nearly that good, so let’s just call these “Ten Things I Sort Of Guess I Might Know.”

1) I think sometime in the third quarter of last week’s Cowboys-Falcons game, Jerry Jones started suing the NFL, Roger Goodell, and whoever told him to draft Chaz Green.

2) Watching the Texans offense without Deshaun Watson is like trying to teach your grandmother to Skype. Normally it’s easy, but the circumstances make it absolutely maddening.

3) That Giants-49ers game wasn’t exactly a battle of wills. It was more a battle of won’ts.

4) The fourth quarter and overtime of that Chargers-Jaguars game might have been the dumbest half hour of any sport I’ve ever seen, short of that Donkey Basketball game I fouled out of for illegally hoofing a guy.

5) Two years ago Chip Kelly steered the Eagles directly into the toilet. Now they actually added an extra half-game to their division lead without even playing. That feels like something a team of destiny does.

6) If the Rams just ceased operations right now and decided to become a lacrosse team, they would still have won as many football games in these first nine weeks as they ever won under a full season with Jeff Fisher.

7) Bears Coach John Fox challenged a play where he thought his player scored a touchdown, and the replay showed he actually lost the ball out of the end zone for a turnover. That is officially the Buttfumble of Instant Replay Reviews.

8) The Colts have botched Andrew Luck’s injury so badly, he’s gone to Europe to get treatment. Driving a Pro Bowl quarterback into expatriatism doesn’t really seem like a selling point when it comes to attracting free agents to Indy.

9) If Greg Olsen doesn’t think he could get insight about the Rams and Vikings from being in the network booth for one of their games, then he’s definitely from the Phil Simms School of Broadcasting.

10) The absolute best move Hue Jackson has made as head coach of the Cleveland Browns is not having an Offensive Coordinator. That way there’s no one to take over for him, and he can’t be fired until the end of the season.

On to the picks. Last week I went 2–4 picking games straight up, and also 2–4 against the Vegas odds. In my defense, I wasn’t expecting Dallas to install a turnstile at the end of their offensive line against the Falcons. I’m now 29–29 straight up and 21–35–3 picking against the Vegas odds. Here’s my week ten picks, and I’ll admit I’m going out on a limb for some of these. As always, these are for the purposes of comedic discussion only, no wagering.

Philadelphia (-4.5) at Dallas: I feel like before last week’s Cowboys-Falcons game, the PA announcer should have come on and said “Playing the role of Tyron Smith tonight will be Kevin Hart.”
Pick: Dallas to win it outright. This one smacks of desperation, and Sunday Night Football games usually give us some surprises.

Arizona (+1.5) at Houston: When the NFL investigates why their television ratings dip, Exhibits A through F should be the six quarterbacks in uniform for this game.
Pick: Cardinals to win it outright.

LA Rams (+2.5) at Minnesota: At the beginning of the season, if you picked this Rams-Vikings as a game with huge playoff implications, get yourself to Las Vegas immediately. And buy lottery tickets all the way there.
Pick: Rams to win it outright.

Cincinnati (+2.5) at Denver: Vontaze Burfict talked trash with fans after getting tossed from the game last week, and the Bengals said they’ve spoken to him about it. Imagine that, Burfict actually gets advice like “The next time you get ejected, don’t do this…”
Pick: Bengals to win it outright.

Kansas City (-10.5) at NY Giants: The NY Giants have given up a touchdown to a tight end in ten straight games. Why would I mention that? Because reading that stat is far more interesting than watching them try and tackle.
Pick: Chiefs to cover, which means I think they’ll win by eleven or more. That’s a lot of points, I know, but the Giants seem to be giving less than full effort, their coach is a goner, and the Chiefs need a statement win.

Tampa Bay (even) at Miami: I have a rule in my house, every week I can either watch “This Is Us,” or a Dolphins game. I can’t take too much sadness in my life.
Pick: Bucs to win it.

I’ll also take the Lions-Bears game to go over 41 points, the NFC to win the Super Bowl, and the “Justice League” movie to be okay, but not that great. And why does Aquaman seem to have a redneck accent in this one? Did Atlantis sink off the coast of Alabama?

Good luck everybody.

– Reid Kerr talks a lot, as his wife always reminds him. Reid’s second book, “I Hate It Here: A Love Story,” is out now on Amazon.com. You can always tweet questions, comments, and angry messages to him at @reidaboutit.

Speak Your Mind

*